THE KISS OF DEATH

THE KISS OF DEATH


A short portly figure entered a large dining room and then seated itself at one end of the huge mahogany dining table.

Clad in a pure Chinese silk dressing gown the portly figure began to eat the food that was on the plate in front of it.

About an hour later and after consuming the best part of a 16 ounce T bone, Carl Mcdermott removed himself from the dining table and headed for what appeared to be an equally large drinks cabinet. 

On pouring himself a very large expensive cognac, Carl then proceeded to address his ever waiting and of course “always” attendant audience.

This, the dining alone in the large hall and then the cognac along with his speech was part of a nightly and never ending ritual for Carl Edward Mcdermott and had been since the day he had decided he’d had enough of the human race..

You see Carl by profession was a taxidermist which meant of course he stuffed objects, these ranged from Henry the pet Hamster to a full grown shire horse.

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Taxidermy (from the Greek for arrangement of skin) is the act of mounting or reproducing dead animals for display (e.g. as hunting trophies) or for other sources of study. 

Taxidermy can be done on all vertebrate species of animals including mammals, birds, reptiles and amphibians.

The methods that taxidermists practice have been improved over the last century, heightening taxidermic quality and lowering toxicity. 

The animal is first skinned. This process is similar to removing the skin from a chicken prior to cooking.

This can be accomplished without opening the body cavity so the taxidermist usually does not see internal organs or blood. 

The skin is tanned and then placed on a polyurethane form. Clay is used to install glass eyes. Forms and eyes are commercially available from a number of suppliers. If not, taxidermists carve or cast their own forms.

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However, Carl over the years grew tired of stuffing owls, prized fish and of course someone’s beloved pet and began to explore the possibility of preserving “humans.”

He knew this could be done, if you could stuff a bison you could stuff a human being. The difference being it was of course “illegal” to stuff for instance, a recently departed family member, though Carl had heard of such practices. 

In fact in certain medieval Royal housolds stuffing one’s spouse used to be quite common.

It was on the day Carl had a blazing argument with Mrs Mcdermott and the subsequent savagery in the way Carl bludgeoned Eva to death with a nearby two pound lump hammer, that Carl knew he had a chance to bring to life his long held fascination with what a human being would look like completely stuffed and presented inside a glass case.

Staring at the now ex Mrs Mcdermott Carl admired his work, in fact he was so impressed he decided that he would like to see what other folks would look like, stuffed and presented inside a large glass presentation case. “Forever” as it were and so it started…..

The second of Carl’s, err shall we say acquirements, came about a month after Eva McDermott’s entry into this what had now become a grisly collection of lifelike dead people.

Carl was out shopping for various supplies and though he much preferred not to shop in the local supermarkets, this time he did which proved to be highly unfortunate for one Chloe Holloway.

Chloe was a checkout operator at the local Tesco express in Wandsworth and Chloe was having a bad day.

Not only had her regular child minder not turned up meaning she had to hurriedly drop her three young children off at each different father’s houses, Chloe’s boss also insisted she work a double shift but that was after she’d received admonishment for being rude to customers.

Chloe’s boss went through the usual spiel of how if it weren’t for the customers spending their hard earned money in Tescos, Chloe would be out of a job and as such should bear that fact in mind when snatching money from them. As well as purposely dropping change onto the floor knowing full well the customer wouldn’t be able to catch it in time.

Chloe’s shift manager then proceeded to show CCTV footage of Chloe forcing certain items into a customers shopping bag that were never going to fit in.
Then after witnessing the plastic bag splitting down the middle and solemnly shaking her head as if to say, sorry, we have no more bags. Chloe would laughingly watch the hapless customer struggle to carry said items away.

Well all this did was put Chloe in an even filthier mood topped off of course with the fact she’d had to go to all three bleeding houses dropping each kid off. 

Part of “each” individual father’s condition of minding “his” child was “he” wasn’t responsible for anyone else’s hence the lengthy detour.

A short stout man with short curly red hair and dark glasses approached Chloe’s till point. 

Chloe waited until the red haired man had placed all several items down then proceeded at what seemed like in ultra slow motion to check the items through the scanner.

Well all this did was agitate the red haired man who, to the temerity of Chloe snapped his fingers and said, “come on child, I haven’t got all day.”

That prompted Chloe to stop completely and scrupulously examine a culprit finger nail. After what seemed like an eternity at scanning said nail, Chloe smilingly glanced up at what was now the raging face of a very pissed off customer.

Smiling even more Chloe said, “sorry sir, am I keeping you?”

This particular customers face was so red now it nearly matched his hair. Then almost as if a light had gone on, the customer suddenly smiled back and after staring a bit longer than he should have he departed. But not before he looked back to stare a little longer at Chloe Holloway.

“Fucking creep,” muttered Chloe and then smiling again she proceeded to scan more goods. But this time it was a hell of a lot faster, this customer was a 6ft plus dark haired hunk of a man with gorgeous blue eyes and for a fleeting moment and through batting eyelashes Chloe saw daddy number 4.

Later on that day after finishing that horrendous double shift, Chloe headed toward a silver Renault Cleo. Just as she had deactivated the alarm she heard a sound nearby and it sounded like a woman’s voice.
“Help me, help me please I think I’ve been robbed.”

Now as horrible as Chloe was with customers, particularly unattractive overweight male customers, she still bore a a connection to the sisterhood and if what seemed like another female needed help, then Chloe would at the very least see what was going on.

Walking several feet away from the Cleo she saw what appeared to be a distressed woman slumped over the back seat of another, larger vehicle. Curiosity getting the better of Chloe now she proceeded to investigate.

The minute Chloe reached inside the rear of the larger dark coloured vehicle she knew something wasn’t right. For a start the voice kept repeating itself and the figure purporting to be a person wasn’t, it was a sort of plastic doll only meaning to look like a person.

Chloe instantly realised she was in danger. Too late, “wham”. A dark attired figure materialised out of nowhere and before poor Chloe Holloway knew what was happening she was sinking into the now not so unpleasant feeling of chloroformed unconsciousness.

A week later Chloe, after being injected with cyanide was subsequently opened up and gutted. 

Then having various wire attachments inserted into the now remaining husk, became the second addition to Carl 

Edward McDermott’s macabre collection of stuffed exhibits, more followed.

There wasn’t any logical explanation as to why Carl collected his prize exhibits, they were simply random and possibly why the Metropolitan Police hadn’t a clue as to why or how certain individuals from all walks of life were suddenly and mysteriously disappearing off the streets of London, some of them in broad daylight.

Carl wandered over to another exhibit and pointed a short stubby finger at this particular glass case.
This was, or should I say used to be a traffic warden…..

Carl smiled and then told the now quite inanimate Traffic Warden that doing things by the book and following procedures was the only course he could take.

Just like the same words the Traffic Warden used on Carl before he booked him. 

Taking another long slow sip of Cognac Carl this time wandered over to another exhibit.

Inside this one was again and in a former life but in this case preserved for eternity was a big issue seller.

Again Carl, taking a long luxurious sip of the expensive cognac would address the now inanimate figure holding a copy of the big issue out toward whoever was in the way.

“And that’s why “you” are here my friend, just wouldn’t leave me alone would you?”

Carl paused for a few seconds, as though waiting for the perfectly preserved big issue holding form in front of him to reply, but of course he wouldn’t.

And so this nightly ritual continued. 

All in all there were now 15 glass cased exhibits and in each one was a member of the public who just so happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, as well as pissing Carl off for whatever reason.

In each case scenario, Carl would embark on a random tour of the City, a bit like the legendary Jack the Ripper all those years ago and randomly and purposely provoke someone.

And in every case, whether be man or woman, whether 6 stone or twenty, Carl would effect a capture, a little akin to the great white hunters of colonial Africa.

These would vary on necessity, of course as in the hapless Chloe’s case, the subtle creeping up from behind using chloroform and employing minimal effort was all that was needed.

In the case of a 20 stone male, a more robust form of capture would be needed, as was effected in the capture of exhibit number 10.

This particular choice and the one Carl was now staring at through the glass case was, or what used to be a nightclub bouncer.

On one occasion Carl had been refused entry into one of London’s many S & M venues, a trait and fetish Carl enjoyed.

Not only did the bouncer reject Carl’s attempt to gain entry into the club, but he also had the temerity to mock him too.

Carl usually didn’t need any added incentive to perform and effect his obsession with collecting things, but in this case he made special dispensation for this cretinous imbecile who dared make mock.

Shortly after being told to sling his hook, Carl returned home to pick up one or two items, the main one being an illegal 50,000 volt Taser.

Wearing a skin tight latex face mask and dressed in the uniform of a paramedic, Carl drove toward the famous night club venue known as “The Torture Garden.”

The reason Carl was dressed in a paramedics uniform was simple. He was also driving an EFRV [emergency fast response vehicle] It wasn’t a real EFRV of course, it was an Audi estate that had been adapted using “illegal” decals to make it look like the real thing.

One of many ruses and disguises Carl would use in his taking and collecting of future exhibits.

As soon as Carl neared the venue he pulled off to the rear of the nightclub. 

Making sure the coast was clear, Carl then surreptitiously pulled out of the fake ambulance a lifelike dummy.

Placing the dummy on the ground and in a realistic collapsed position, Carl then headed toward the front of the club to seek out his prize.

It wasn’t long before Carl picked him out and it also wasn’t long before the now disguised killer, adorned with the latex mask and of course the bogus uniform that Carl had convinced the bouncer to assist the Ambulance service in lifting a helpless victim into the EFRV.

As soon as the hapless bouncer was out of the way of any prying onlookers Carl took out the taser and jammed it into large man’s abdomen.

The big bouncer at first and alarmingly for Carl didn’t seem to be affected, so Carl again thrust the device into the same abdominal area.

This time the electrical current did its job and the now electrocuted bouncer slumped to the ground without barely a whimper.

The hardest job was manoeuvring the 20 stone [280 pound] man into the Audi, but of course Carl did and two hours later and at the dead of night Carl was once again 'deep' into the heart of his chosen profession.

Carl continued staring at the huge figure in front of him and in a somewhat mocking tone of voice said, “I bet you let me in now you fucking moron.”

Carl headed off to another part of the house, this room was a lot smaller than the dining room and the exhibit hall and this is where Carl did most of his research. 

Picking up a small remote control Carl pointed it at a large plasma flat screen TV.

Switching on the news Carl watched for a few minutes and like most people bored with bad news just went through the motions.

Then the image on the screen returned to the pretty young blond newscaster and Carl suddenly became interested.

Picking up a photograph of his ex wife, Carl stared hard at it. 

Suddenly he headed over to the large TV screen and placing his dead wife’s photo next to the screen, Carl looked first at the pretty young blond newsreader and then at the photograph of Eva.

“Remarkable,” whispered Carl. In fact it truly was, the startling resemblance between the pretty blond newsreader and Carl’s ex wife Eva was staggering.

Suddenly Carl had a thought and replacing the photograph down onto a nearby table he gently caressed with a left hand, the flickering image of the young blond newsreader.

“Well well well Eva” and at that point Carl glanced at the photo of his dead ex. Glancing back to the image on the TV and still stroking it affectionately Carl spoke again and this time he was shaking in anticipation.

“Looks like you won’t be on your own for much longer, in fact” and Carl this time bent down toward the screen and gently kissed the young blond newsreader smack on the lips. 

Then chuckling demoniacally said, "because “you” my pretty young thing have just been given, the kiss of death."




THE END