There’s trouble in paradise!
Ex Navy Seal Johnny Damon along with a former Navy buddy, Bob Teller, join forces in the hunt for long lost Spanish treasure.
A hundred kids screamed and the Keiko raft had somehow disengaged itself away from the tug that was towing it.
As soon as the raft jolted, Jano knew something was wrong and unlike the Mayor and his colleague Talia, Jano believed in the legend of KAUHUHU and grabbing a six foot harpoon gaff leapt what must have been over ten feet and onto the raft.
The huge beast had smashed into the tow chain and was now dragging the Keiko raft itself and heading much to the horror of everyone, away from the harbour and out to the open ocean.
All one hundred kids were screaming at top pitch, but no one was screaming louder than Mayor Greenberg.
He was fucking terrified and immediately planted himself smack bang in the middle of all one hundred kids. The Mayor’s reasoning was, that there were a hundred fuckin hor d oeuvres in front of him before that cocksucker got to his honour.
And hopefully by that time, the fuckin coastguard had managed to get their fingers out their asses and blow said cocksucker all the way to Hell.
“Full ahead.” Screamed Admiral Staniforth. “Give it everything you’ve got, we have to keep it in sight because there’s a hundred kids on that raft and if anything happens to em we’re fucking dead gentleman, of that I can assure you”.
*****
Among the crowds of revellers thronged along Front Street were Mr and Mrs Harrington Jr and when they’d safely seen both Kalia and Malia on-board the Keiko raft they’d both made the short trip down to Lahaina.
Obviously in the hope of welcoming both their beautiful daughters back onto dry land and the final procession to the Banyan tree park. So along with all the other sightseers didn’t really understand when the Keiko raft suddenly, as well as the other escorting vessels all veered off in the opposite direction.
Then suddenly Harrington Jr remembered the teeth marks. “Holy God.” He muttered. “Please no.”
*******
When Laverne looked up and saw a large raft sail past full of screaming kids she was convinced she was tripping.
Now screaming at the top of her voice it wasn’t long before both Johnny and Bob were alerted, as well as being notified over the emergency marine band radio.
“It’s that fucking shark.” Screamed Laverne “and it’s got the kids from the parade, you have to do something Johnny you can’t just sit here doing fuckin nothing.”
Johnny spread both his hands out in an exasperated manner and replying said. “What the fuck can we do Laverne and anyways the coast guard are here, as well as choppers.”
Johnny was right as soon as the fun started and the chase ensued, coast guard choppers were scrambled from Honolulu and were now circling over the Keiko raft.
As Johnny was starting to get pissed off with Laverne yammering on, Bob Teller spoke. “Hush you two look.” Bob pointed out over the Orchid’s port side and again said. “Look, it’s stopped.”
Sure enough, the Keiko raft had now come to a halt and even though the raft was about a quarter of a mile away from the Orchid, you could still hear the sobs and cries drifting out over the still bay.
Admiral Staniforth ordered everyone to stop and that included the choppers. He didn’t want to scare or provoke the beast into doing anything unnecessary. Well not just yet…
Staniforth’s plan was to sneak up along side, then hopefully effect a rescue operation that way.
The Keiko raft was gently bobbing up and down now and as well as the one hundred or so kids on board. There were, three parade marshals, big Jano from the MV Pride of Maui and of course his honour Mayor Greenberg and it was the Mayor who spoke first.
“Well,” what are those sons a bitches waitin for, don’t they realise we’re on a floatin fucking shark platter?”
The huge Hawaiian by the name of Jano swiftly strode over to were the Mayor was and bending over whispered. “Beggin your pardon your honour, but Mayor or no Mayor, you cuss like that in front of these kids again and I will personally knock your head off, is that understood?”
A huge mitt landed on the Mayor’s shoulder and Mayor Greenberg was now under no illusion that this mountain of a man meant what he said.
******
The radio crackled on the bridge of the Intrepid and a new voice spoke this time. “This is the sailing ketch Blue Orchid, we’ve seen what’s going on out there, can we be of any assistance?”
Just as captain Jameson was about to admonish the voice on the radio for using coastguard frequencies, Admiral Staniforth stopped him.
“Wait a minute, I know that voice.” And he swiftly gestured to take the mic.
“Johnny Damon you old dog is that you?”
The Admiral knew Johnny from his seal days, indeed Staniforth was both Johnny and Bob Teller’s commanding officer and knowing this man was on the scene made him suddenly feel a whole lot better.
Johnny had a plan, though simple it would be effective. They would cut the engine of the Orchid and then using traditional sailing skills, drift the Orchid up to the Keiko raft.
The reason why Admiral Staniforth agreed with the plan was.? The Intrepid would be too large and by the time launches had been dispatched it might all be too late, whereas the ketch was fairly low in the water and a lot smaller, but still having enough room to fit all the kids, though it would be a tight squeeze.
Jano saw what was going on and making sure along with the other three marshals, kept the kids as far away from the edge as possible. He then, holding the harpoon aloft, stalked round the raft periphery a bit like some medieval warrior guarding his charges.
A shout came from the Blue Orchid. It was Johnny and he asked if Jano could get to the tow chain? The idea being if Jano could disengage the tow chain, the shark wouldn’t be able to drag the raft away from the rescuers anymore and obviously then giving more time to make an extraction.
The Blue Orchid was only about 50ft away now as Jano slowly and cautiously on his hands and knees, inched himself over towards the tow chain.
*******
A sonar operator spoke again on the bridge of the Intrepid. “We’ve got some more company sir.”
Who the hell is it this time?” cried the admiral. Staniforth waved an arm, which signified, put it through on the speakers.
A foreign sounding voice boomed through and said. “Good evening American coastguardsan,’ this is Captain Hiro Nagasima of Japanese whaling ship Kagoshima we believe you have problem with big fish?”
Admiral Staniforth couldn’t help but smile, even with the seriousness of what was going on. It was just the way the skipper of that Japanese whaler and in a few words had quite literally summed the whole nightmare up.
The Admiral replied. “Negative Kagoshima we have the situation in hand, but thank you anyway for your most gracious offer.” The Kagoshima responded by informing the Intrepid that was no problem, but would be standing by just in case.
Over on the Kagoshima, Nagasima glanced at his second and gave the order to proceed anyway.
Ex Navy Seal Johnny Damon along with a former Navy buddy, Bob Teller, join forces in the hunt for long lost Spanish treasure.
The Petroni bothers [Drug Runners] have other ideas.
Adding to the mix is a corrupt Mayor on the verge of another crooked election victory, along with a beautiful tall feisty blond who goes by the name of Laverne.
Never far away, getting closer and closer, is a fifty foot great white shark who seems to be getting all the local populace in a lather.
Is the prophecy true?
Has the legend that is the great Shark God Kauhuhu finally returned to Hawaii?
KAUHUHU
Johnston Atoll 37° North 187° West, North Pacific Ocean.
A huge conning tower disappeared under the water as the USS Hawaii (Virginia Class attack submarine) headed for maximum depth. “Captain has the com.”
KAUHUHU
Johnston Atoll 37° North 187° West, North Pacific Ocean.
A huge conning tower disappeared under the water as the USS Hawaii (Virginia Class attack submarine) headed for maximum depth. “Captain has the com.”
“Thanks chief.” Said Captain James Harrington Jr.
As soon as the skipper had control James Harrington Jr gave all the orders and instructions necessary for standard preliminary dive procedures.
“Helm level off at 500ft.”
“500ft,” replied the pilot at the helm.
“Speed 10 knots.”
“Speed 10 knots,” again replied the pilot.
As soon as the Hawaii had maintained the correct running depth and attained the desired speed Captain Harrington gave control of the bridge back to the chief.
The Hawaii was heading back to her home port (Pearl Harbour) after an extended tour of the Japanese archipelago along with some goodwill visits to Yokusuka, Yokohama and of course Tokyo.
James Harrington Jr was really looking forward to getting home, even though he hailed from Columbus Ohio he was now well and truly in love with his adopted home Maui.
Indeed Harrington had family there.
“Helm level off at 500ft.”
“500ft,” replied the pilot at the helm.
“Speed 10 knots.”
“Speed 10 knots,” again replied the pilot.
As soon as the Hawaii had maintained the correct running depth and attained the desired speed Captain Harrington gave control of the bridge back to the chief.
The Hawaii was heading back to her home port (Pearl Harbour) after an extended tour of the Japanese archipelago along with some goodwill visits to Yokusuka, Yokohama and of course Tokyo.
James Harrington Jr was really looking forward to getting home, even though he hailed from Columbus Ohio he was now well and truly in love with his adopted home Maui.
Indeed Harrington had family there.
There was his beautiful wife, Lokelani, meaning little red rose, indeed Harrington always marvelled at the fact most Hawaiian names had an actual meaning, also Mr and Mrs Harrington had two beautiful daughters. Kamea 8 and Malia 6.
Harrington smiled to himself at the memory of both Kamea and Malia performing the hula for him just before his latest posting.
Just as Harrington began to undress for the shower, a buzzer sounded on his desk and Harrington swiftly picked it up.
Minutes later Captain Harrington Jr strode purposefully onto the bridge and immediately asked for an update.
Just as Harrington began to undress for the shower, a buzzer sounded on his desk and Harrington swiftly picked it up.
Minutes later Captain Harrington Jr strode purposefully onto the bridge and immediately asked for an update.
“Any identifying markers?” Said Harrington.
“ Absolutely nothing sir, we know it’s there and they do too, but she’s not responding to any hails, maybe she’s shy sir,” replied the grinning sonar operator.
Harrington wasn’t smiling however; he didn’t like mysteries, especially ones that were only a mile away from his boat and getting nearer.
Harrington glanced at the chief and said. “I’m not aware of any other sub activity here are you?”
Harrington glanced at the chief and said. “I’m not aware of any other sub activity here are you?”
Chief Kaminski shook his head and replied.” None that I’m aware of, no sir.”
“100ft and gaining,” cried sonar.
“Ready Stations” replied Harrington. A deafening klaxon sounded and a loud authoritative voice informed the crew “that this was not a drill.” Sonar shouted again.
“50ft, 30, 20, 10.”
*BOOOOM*
Harrington felt the bridge shake and like everyone else and for some unfathomable reason looked upwards.
“50ft, 30, 20, 10.”
*BOOOOM*
Harrington felt the bridge shake and like everyone else and for some unfathomable reason looked upwards.
“What in the holy fuck,” shouted the chief?
Harrington turned to the helmsman and screamed. “Surface, Now!!!”
Ten minutes later the near 8,000-ton 377ft nuclear attack sub broke the water and Captain Harrington along with his immediate chain of command were now stood atop of the Hawaii’s conning tower.
Ten minutes later the near 8,000-ton 377ft nuclear attack sub broke the water and Captain Harrington along with his immediate chain of command were now stood atop of the Hawaii’s conning tower.
Harrington looked down onto the sub’s beam and then spoke to his second in command. “Any news on the signal?”
“Sonar confirms the signal has disappeared sir, heading, 225° east.”
A shout came up from down below and one of the damage control ratings arrived seemingly excited about something.
“Sonar confirms the signal has disappeared sir, heading, 225° east.”
A shout came up from down below and one of the damage control ratings arrived seemingly excited about something.
After saluting the officers, the crewman requested they go and take a look at what he’d just found.
A few minutes later an incredulous captain Harrington, along with the rest of the group gathered and stared at the huge indentations at the rear of the conning tower.
In a sort of crescent shape were 20 or so serrations, about a foot in length and if Harrington didn’t know any better he could have sworn one of the US Navy’s most powerful war ships had just been attacked and bitten, but by what?
As everyone was still trying to figure out what the hell it was on the conning tower, Captain James Harrington Jr slowly turned to look in an easterly direction and softly muttered. “Hawaii.”
10miles south-by-south west off the island of Maui, Hawaiian Islands.
The Kagoshima had heaved to and was now in the process of de boning and skinning the sixty ton blue fin whale that tried as it might, just couldn’t outrun the cannon fired harpoon that now protruded out of it’s head like some bizarre unicorn.
Captain Hiro Nagasima smiled as he surveyed the scene in front of him. The Kagoshima had had enjoyed good fortune this time, no thanks to those interfering thugs from Greenpeace. Nagasima cursed silently to himself and glancing at the now dormant harpoon cannon thought what he wouldn’t give to be able to fire that baby straight through a Greenpeace boat wheel house window.
Oh yes he’d enjoy that.
Nagasima suddenly spotted a crewman lazing around and consequently bellowed at him to get his ass over here. “Why aren’t you working?” Barked Nagasima.
“There isn’t anything to do.” Said the whaleman. “All the places are filled and besides they’re all nearly finished anyway.”
Nagasima hated sloth and had no time for idle crewmen. “In that case,” said Nagasima, “rig a hanging line out over the stern and kit yourself out with some gear, I want the name of the ship repainted and be quick about it, we’re only heaved to for another two hours and I want to be underway soon after that.”
Twenty minutes later Nando Tokosoto fitted a harness around his girth and then using a control box attached to a long cable, he pressed a large red button and slowly descended down toward the ships name on the stern.
One hour later Nando quickly looked up to see if anyone was watching, on seeing the coast was clear he decided now was the time for a crafty cigarette.
Nando kicked his legs away from the face of the stern in a sort of swinging motion as he exhaled contentedly on a Doral ultra light.
Even if Nando had known or actually seen what was slowly and inexorably heading toward him from below, he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it.
Because unbeknownst to poor Nando, smoking that cigarette would be the last thing he ever did.
Just at that moment one of the other crewmen popped his head over the top to inform Nando the skipper said to move his ass, as the Kagoshima was due to get underway shortly.
Nando glanced up to see the crewman peering over the top, however what he couldn’t understand was why the crewman were suddenly screaming and waving his hands about like a lunatic.
Nando then felt something nudging against his legs and suddenly he knew and almost with a certain acceptance and resignation that he was about to be eaten alive!!
The crewman staring down in abject horror at Nando couldn’t believe his eyes. The biggest fucking shark he’d ever seen in his life just rose out of the water and completely engulfed poor Nando in it’s mouth then equally slowly, just closed it’s jaws as if it was taking it’s fucking time! One minute Nando was there, the next he wasn’t, just like that.
Captain Nagasima was heading toward the bridge when he heard all the commotion and screaming. As the terrified witness got to where Nagasima was, he blurted out what he’d just seen.
“You have to believe me.” Screamed the Petrified whaler. “It just came up slowly, as if it was fucking sneaking up on him.”
“Watch your language,” barked Nagasima, he wasn’t used to profanity and as such wouldn’t tolerate any on his ship. “Now calm down,” said Nagasima “and tell me exactly what you saw.”
After exhaustive searches using the outboards as well as binoculars, there still wasn’t any sign of poor Nando and captain Nagasima had to resign himself to the fact either Nando had been negligent and slipped out of the harness and drowned or there was some truth in what the hysterical whaler had said.
If that were the case then Captain Hiro Nagasima felt very sorry for the residents of Maui, because as a practising Shinto, he had heard and believed of the stories and legends of a fearsome great white shark called….. KAUHUHU!
****
Johnny Damon stared into the shaving mirror and decided once and for all, “that” nose hair had to go.
It was 7.30am and Johnny had over slept, which wasn’t unusual for Johnny. When you lived the life he did you tended not to hit the sack until the wee small hours.
A tall attractive blond woman appeared in the doorway to the bathroom, lighting a cigarette she asked if Johnny was coming back to bed?
“No can do hon, I gotta a couple a customers and they should be here by 9.am.” The blond woman pulled a face and after petulantly exhaling a blue plume of cigarette smoke at the back of Johnny’s head, she disappeared to get dressed.
“Mail call.” Shouted a loud booming voice somewhere above deck. Johnny yelled to the blond woman who was stood in the doorway just a moment ago. No answer. “Shit,” cursed Johnny, “not again.” He quickly rushed into his cabin birth, on realising no one was there, Johnny moaned out aloud.
“Jesus Laverne.” Immediately Johnny checked his wallet.
“Mail call, anyone home ?” Bellowed the voice above, a little more impatiently this time,
“I’m coming buddy.” As Johnny raced up the stairs and across deck to greet the mail man he cursed again.
“A fucking hundred bucks, the little bitch, that’s it Laverne, you crossed the fucking line of all lines this time.”
Johnny stopped and then realised a large bald headed man in a US mail uniform was now standing in front of him, arms folded and a foot tapping impatiently. “Oh erm, sorry to keep you waitin.” Said Johnny.
The mail man made a strange noise that seemed to come from the back of his throat, Johnny perceived it to be some form of “whatever.“ “Sign here please.” Said the mail man in an almost imperious tone of voice.
As Johnny took the pen off the mail man he paused, smiled and then said. “I normally don’t give autographs, but in your case buddy” and at that moment Johnny gave the mail man a playful slap across his shoulder, “I’ll make an exception.”
The mailman’s face seemed to change colour and he blurted out. “If you don’t mind sir, this is a serious business and I would be grateful if you would just sign the darned slip, now!”
“Ok, Ok, Christ, ain’t ya got a sense a humour, holy cow,” laughed Johnny.
Johnny Damon didn’t even have to open the official looking brown envelope to know what it was. That was probably due to a large embossed water mark saying Maui National Savings Bank. However Johnny duly ripped the envelope open and groaned aloud as he read the letter.
The bank manager at the Maui National Savings Bank was kindly informing Johnny that if he didn’t pay $10,000 within 21 days, the bank would issue a Federal court order and sequestrate his assets.
“What fucking assets?” Muttered Johnny then it hit him. The only thing he owned in this world was what he was standing in, his beloved boat.
Johnny then heard another voice shout up from the quayside. “Mornin asshole, permission to come aboard?”
Johnny groaned loudly again. “Fuck me, can it get any fucking worse?” Johnny cursed and glancing up to the sky said, “what is this, kick Johnny in the balls day or what?”
Johnny immediately opened a long wooden box situated against the stern and produced a 3 and a half footlong aluminium baseball bat.
Walking toward the end of his boat Johnny casually practised swinging the bat around as if he were hitting imaginary baseballs.
“Well will you take look at that.” Said one of the two guys now standing half way up the gang plank to Johnny’s pride and joy, “THE BLUE ORCHID.”
The larger of the two men carried on speaking. “Hey Johnny we don’t want no trouble,” he turned and looked at his brother who was the complete opposite, in physical build that is. “We don’t want no trouble do we Danny?”
The thin slightly almost effeminate man shrilled back and said. “No, we sure don’t Anton.”
The thin man; Danny, had a face that reminded Johnny of a weasel and when he spoke it was of the high-pitched nasal variety.
Johnny sighed audibly and then staring directly at the two men on his gangplank said.
“For the last time, I’m not interested in your proposal, can’t you get it in to your thick fucking skulls. “I am not selling the Goddammed boat, capiche?“
The larger of the two men smiled and slowly reached into a breast pocket of the Hawaiian shirt he was wearing. Johnny cautiously stepped back in alarm, the large man spoke whilst pausing in mid reach.
“You know what this is?” The large man called Anton was now waving a large fat brown package at Johnny.
“No.” Said Johnny “and I don’t fucking care, so if you’d like to remove your worthless fucking carcasses off my boat.”
The thin man interrupted Johnny and shrilled. “You know what? You got an attitude problem mister, we’re trying to do you a favour here, ain’t that so Anton?”
“Yea”-replied Anton “we’re just a couple a regular guys trying to help out a feller in need, in fact me and my Brother Danny here figured we could be social workers, ain’t that so Danny?”
“Yea, ain’t that the truth,” replied a smirking Danny.
Johnny Damon was already over and beyond the tolerance threshold required to cope with the ass end of life, which was in this case the Petroni brothers.
For weeks now these two morons had harassed Johnny at every given opportunity. Offers turned to threats, threats turned to bribes, bribes turned to blackmail and now judging by the large brown package, we had arrived full circle back to the beginning and the offer stage again.
Edging a little closer, Anton Petroni slowly and deliberately threw the brown package, underarm style toward the aft deck were Johnny was standing.
As soon as the package had been dispatched, Anton slowly back tracked his way down the gangplank and repositioned himself on the quayside at the side of his brother Danny once more.
“There’s fifty large in there.” Shouted Anton, “go on, count it if you like, you won’t get a better offer than that and you know it.”
Johnny looked down at the brown fat package that had the $50,000 in it. Just for a split second Johnny was tempted. Even though he owed the bank $10,000, if he sold to the Petroni’s it would mean he wouldn’t have anywhere to live as well as no income.
However as quick as that thought came into Johnny’s head it disappeared and Johnny slowly reached down towards the package.
Immediately the two Petroni’s celebrated by high fiving each other on the quayside and Anton duly shouted up to Johnny saying. “Good decision Damon it’s about time, we’re reasonable guys and don’t worry we’ll put her to good use won’t we Danny?”
“Sure will,” replied a gleeful Danny.
Suddenly both men stopped laughing in fact both of them had expressions on their faces that indicated something really bad was about to happen.. For them it was.
As soon as Johnny had retrieved the package off the aft deck he slowly threw the brown envelope up and down in his left hand, as if he was trying to gauge something. At the sixth attempt and to the horror of both Petroni’s, Johnny Damon threw the package about twenty feet up in the air.
As the package soared high into the air both men screamed “Noooooooo.!”
Then as the package made it’s decent, Johnny swung the three and a half foot bat high over his left shoulder and proceeded to smack the package full on.
On contact with the bat the brown outer packaging disintegrated and as a consequence 500 $100 bills fluttered prettily on the gentle breeze that was blowing around on yet another beautiful day in Lahaina harbour.
With hands on hips and laughing so loud it nearly hurt, Johnny watched with intense amusement at the unfortunate Petroni’s, who were now scurrying around like sewer rats in heat with flailing arms in a vain attempt to stop all that money from blowing away.
Then something else happened that nearly caused Johnny to rupture his spleen.
Some passing good Samaritans had offered to help in the retrieval of the flying money but much to the chagrin of the Petroni’s, only for them to then suddenly discover their darker personas and subsequently hightail it out of there clutching fistfuls of $100 bills.
******
4pm later that day Johnny made it back to his berth in Lahaina harbour and after securing his beloved boat the Blue Orchid, he showered, dressed and headed out for a favourite haunt of his called Ricky’s bar.
Front street was bustling with tourists as it always is at this time of year, wait until tomorrow night mused Johnny. Indeed if he thought it was busy now, it would be absolutely crazy tomorrow evening, for tomorrow was Halloween and Halloween in Hawaii was a very big deal.
On this occasion the mayor of Lahaina had in corporation with various local construction companies, decided to build a special raft big enough to hold at least a hundred people.
In this case it would be kids all dressed in the various apparel associated with All Hallows eve.
The idea being the brightly illuminated raft would be towed all the way from Puunoa on the north side of town, down to the Banyan tree park on the south side.
Johnny had just necked his third bud when he heard a familiar and welcome voice.
“Hey if it isn’t my old buddy Johnny come lightly, you old bastard?”
Johnny swiftly turned around to see his old buddy Bob Teller.. Bob was an ex Navy seal as was Johnny and both Bob and Johnny went way back.
“How you been you crazy sonafabitch?” Said Johnny.
“Oh ya know makin a buck here and there, you know how it is.”
Both men caught up with the news of what they’d both been up to and didn’t Bob roar with laughter when informed of the flying money episode earlier that day.
“Those fuckin Putz’es, some morons just don’t ever learn,” said Bob.
A few minutes later Johnny turned around to look directly at his best buddy and with a straight face said. “Watcha really here for Bob?”
Bob Teller stared back and then suddenly broke out into a wreath of smiles.
“You old fucker, still got it, ain’t ya, you always did know when something was up.”
Both men laughed, high fived each other and Bob then told Johnny why he was here in Lahaina.
“As you well know Johnny, I’ve been diving since I left the service; you know, a little bit here a little bit there, mostly oil companies, then some marine work in Baja.
I even got a small contract working for Greenpeace, they wanted an ex Navy diver to check underneath all their boats particularly when near French Pacific territory, you know what I’m saying.”
Johnny did, he’d heard of dirty tricks being played by certain members of the French secret service and he could understand Greenpeace hiring someone with Bob’s experience, especially after The Rainbow Warrior incident.
Bob Teller continued on. “Well that work was OK and it paid the bills, but it wasn’t regular and as you know, every diver only ever really becomes a diver for one reason and that’s a fact.”
Johnny knew where this was going now and as such he gently interrupted his pal. “I take it you’ve spotted a wreck?”
Just at that moment Bob lurched forward and grabbed Johnny by the shoulders. “This is the big one Johnny, the one every diver dreams about, the fucking motherload.”
A slightly startled Johnny just blinked at his friend and then said. “Where is it?”
Bob Teller relaxed his grip on Johnny’s shoulders and then swiftly glancing round, began to speak softly.
“According to official Spanish Maritime records, in 1675 a Spanish Galleon named the La Concepcion set sail from Acapulco in Mexico en route to Manila in the Philippines.”
Bob paused and sat back a little then leaned forward again.
“Well, she never got there, official records state she sank in a storm a thousand miles west of Mexico, but unofficially.” Bob paused again then stared a little more intently this time and Johnny could have sworn he saw his best friend’s eyes glitter.
Bob whispered and leaning so far toward Johnny, Johnny thought Bob was going to kiss him, he said. “I know where it is Johnny I fucking know where the lost gold of the La Concepción really is!"
Immediately after Bob teller and Johnny Damon had left Rick’s bar, the bartender reached into his pocket and pressed speed dial.
“Yea, just like you asked me to Mr Petroni.” Said the bartender.
“That’s the truth sir, definitely something about some shipwreck carrying gold, sure thing Mr Petroni.” And at that point the barman hung up.
*****
Denny’s bar and grill, Kahului harbour.
Joe Trappatoni grabbed the glass and duly drained every last drop of Wild Turkey. “Fuck me I love that stuff,” sighed a now extremely relaxed Joe.
He produced a cigarette out of a Marlboro pack and after taking the first hit, thought of what he was he was going to do to this fucking bitch who had the temerity to try and steal money out of his wallet.
Indeed Joe had purposely left his wallet on the bar and pretended to go to the john, fucking Hoe’s, they just couldn’t resist, a guy had to have eyes in his fucking ass these days.
As the tall blond woman arrived back from the powder room she nimbly and expertly extracted the cigarette out of Joe’s hand and taking a long drag exhaled a long plume into his face. “That turn you on?” She said in a low seductive voice.
Joe Trappatoni was mesmerised, the fucking nerve of this broad.
As the odd couple exited Denny’s bar they headed out to Kahului harbour Park breakwater, a regular spot for romantic couples who usually had more in mind than a quick kiss and a cuddle.
As they got toward the end of the breakwater, both Joe and Laverne started to kiss. “Whoa, well hello Mr fucking tongue.” said a somewhat startled Laverne and then laughing, hungrily reciprocated.
Suddenly Laverne pushed Joe back and cried “Hey did you just bite me you fucking moron?”
A trickle of blood appeared on Laverne’s cheek and all of a sudden Laverne Blossom Levinski was afraid.
Checking no one was about, Joe edged slowly forward menacingly toward a now scared to death Laverne.
“You little fucking bitch, did you think I wouldn’t notice a hundred bucks missing?” A now terrified Laverne began inching toward the edge of the breakwater, she didn’t have anywhere else to go.
Slowly, Joe unzipped his pants then made a move for Laverne.
As Joe grabbed both her arms for better access, Laverne remembered what her Mom always said. “If all else fails, kick em in the balls.” A three inch stiletto heel connected with Joe Trappatoni’s left testicle and Joe screamed as if he were on fire.
As soon as the kick had landed, Joe momentarily let go of Laverne’s arms and if the kick came from Mom, then the right hook to Joe’s jaw surely came from her Dad. The punch was true and Joe Trappatoni staggered back, then over the breakwater railing and into the water below.
At first Laverne just wanted to get the fuck away from there, however she couldn’t resist the urge to look out over the breakwater wall and see if the guy had drowned.
Just as Laverne peeked over the wall she saw a sight that she would surely take to the grave.
“Oh my fucking God!!“ she screamed and instantly Laverne Blossom Levinski ran like the Devil was behind her, tapping her on the shoulder.
As soon as Laverne burst into Denny’s bar she slumped onto a barstool and demanded a “large fucking scotch.”
“You OK hon?” Said the bartender. Laverne looked up and wiping a mixture of blood and tears away from her face she said. “Would you be?”
With a puzzled expression on his face he asked what did she mean by that?
Laverne took another slug and then spoke.
“I’ve just seen the biggest mother-fucking shark in the world.”
“Well,” replied the barman, “we sure do have a few Tiger’s swimming around these parts, 20ft I think is the biggest ever seen.”
“Yea.” Said Laverne. “Well this motherfucker had a man in its mouth and “he” was still alive!”
A few minutes later an incredulous captain Harrington, along with the rest of the group gathered and stared at the huge indentations at the rear of the conning tower.
In a sort of crescent shape were 20 or so serrations, about a foot in length and if Harrington didn’t know any better he could have sworn one of the US Navy’s most powerful war ships had just been attacked and bitten, but by what?
As everyone was still trying to figure out what the hell it was on the conning tower, Captain James Harrington Jr slowly turned to look in an easterly direction and softly muttered. “Hawaii.”
10miles south-by-south west off the island of Maui, Hawaiian Islands.
The Kagoshima had heaved to and was now in the process of de boning and skinning the sixty ton blue fin whale that tried as it might, just couldn’t outrun the cannon fired harpoon that now protruded out of it’s head like some bizarre unicorn.
Captain Hiro Nagasima smiled as he surveyed the scene in front of him. The Kagoshima had had enjoyed good fortune this time, no thanks to those interfering thugs from Greenpeace. Nagasima cursed silently to himself and glancing at the now dormant harpoon cannon thought what he wouldn’t give to be able to fire that baby straight through a Greenpeace boat wheel house window.
Oh yes he’d enjoy that.
Nagasima suddenly spotted a crewman lazing around and consequently bellowed at him to get his ass over here. “Why aren’t you working?” Barked Nagasima.
“There isn’t anything to do.” Said the whaleman. “All the places are filled and besides they’re all nearly finished anyway.”
Nagasima hated sloth and had no time for idle crewmen. “In that case,” said Nagasima, “rig a hanging line out over the stern and kit yourself out with some gear, I want the name of the ship repainted and be quick about it, we’re only heaved to for another two hours and I want to be underway soon after that.”
Twenty minutes later Nando Tokosoto fitted a harness around his girth and then using a control box attached to a long cable, he pressed a large red button and slowly descended down toward the ships name on the stern.
One hour later Nando quickly looked up to see if anyone was watching, on seeing the coast was clear he decided now was the time for a crafty cigarette.
Nando kicked his legs away from the face of the stern in a sort of swinging motion as he exhaled contentedly on a Doral ultra light.
Even if Nando had known or actually seen what was slowly and inexorably heading toward him from below, he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it.
Because unbeknownst to poor Nando, smoking that cigarette would be the last thing he ever did.
Just at that moment one of the other crewmen popped his head over the top to inform Nando the skipper said to move his ass, as the Kagoshima was due to get underway shortly.
Nando glanced up to see the crewman peering over the top, however what he couldn’t understand was why the crewman were suddenly screaming and waving his hands about like a lunatic.
Nando then felt something nudging against his legs and suddenly he knew and almost with a certain acceptance and resignation that he was about to be eaten alive!!
The crewman staring down in abject horror at Nando couldn’t believe his eyes. The biggest fucking shark he’d ever seen in his life just rose out of the water and completely engulfed poor Nando in it’s mouth then equally slowly, just closed it’s jaws as if it was taking it’s fucking time! One minute Nando was there, the next he wasn’t, just like that.
Captain Nagasima was heading toward the bridge when he heard all the commotion and screaming. As the terrified witness got to where Nagasima was, he blurted out what he’d just seen.
“You have to believe me.” Screamed the Petrified whaler. “It just came up slowly, as if it was fucking sneaking up on him.”
“Watch your language,” barked Nagasima, he wasn’t used to profanity and as such wouldn’t tolerate any on his ship. “Now calm down,” said Nagasima “and tell me exactly what you saw.”
After exhaustive searches using the outboards as well as binoculars, there still wasn’t any sign of poor Nando and captain Nagasima had to resign himself to the fact either Nando had been negligent and slipped out of the harness and drowned or there was some truth in what the hysterical whaler had said.
If that were the case then Captain Hiro Nagasima felt very sorry for the residents of Maui, because as a practising Shinto, he had heard and believed of the stories and legends of a fearsome great white shark called….. KAUHUHU!
****
Johnny Damon stared into the shaving mirror and decided once and for all, “that” nose hair had to go.
It was 7.30am and Johnny had over slept, which wasn’t unusual for Johnny. When you lived the life he did you tended not to hit the sack until the wee small hours.
A tall attractive blond woman appeared in the doorway to the bathroom, lighting a cigarette she asked if Johnny was coming back to bed?
“No can do hon, I gotta a couple a customers and they should be here by 9.am.” The blond woman pulled a face and after petulantly exhaling a blue plume of cigarette smoke at the back of Johnny’s head, she disappeared to get dressed.
“Mail call.” Shouted a loud booming voice somewhere above deck. Johnny yelled to the blond woman who was stood in the doorway just a moment ago. No answer. “Shit,” cursed Johnny, “not again.” He quickly rushed into his cabin birth, on realising no one was there, Johnny moaned out aloud.
“Jesus Laverne.” Immediately Johnny checked his wallet.
“Mail call, anyone home ?” Bellowed the voice above, a little more impatiently this time,
“I’m coming buddy.” As Johnny raced up the stairs and across deck to greet the mail man he cursed again.
“A fucking hundred bucks, the little bitch, that’s it Laverne, you crossed the fucking line of all lines this time.”
Johnny stopped and then realised a large bald headed man in a US mail uniform was now standing in front of him, arms folded and a foot tapping impatiently. “Oh erm, sorry to keep you waitin.” Said Johnny.
The mail man made a strange noise that seemed to come from the back of his throat, Johnny perceived it to be some form of “whatever.“ “Sign here please.” Said the mail man in an almost imperious tone of voice.
As Johnny took the pen off the mail man he paused, smiled and then said. “I normally don’t give autographs, but in your case buddy” and at that moment Johnny gave the mail man a playful slap across his shoulder, “I’ll make an exception.”
The mailman’s face seemed to change colour and he blurted out. “If you don’t mind sir, this is a serious business and I would be grateful if you would just sign the darned slip, now!”
“Ok, Ok, Christ, ain’t ya got a sense a humour, holy cow,” laughed Johnny.
Johnny Damon didn’t even have to open the official looking brown envelope to know what it was. That was probably due to a large embossed water mark saying Maui National Savings Bank. However Johnny duly ripped the envelope open and groaned aloud as he read the letter.
The bank manager at the Maui National Savings Bank was kindly informing Johnny that if he didn’t pay $10,000 within 21 days, the bank would issue a Federal court order and sequestrate his assets.
“What fucking assets?” Muttered Johnny then it hit him. The only thing he owned in this world was what he was standing in, his beloved boat.
Johnny then heard another voice shout up from the quayside. “Mornin asshole, permission to come aboard?”
Johnny groaned loudly again. “Fuck me, can it get any fucking worse?” Johnny cursed and glancing up to the sky said, “what is this, kick Johnny in the balls day or what?”
Johnny immediately opened a long wooden box situated against the stern and produced a 3 and a half footlong aluminium baseball bat.
Walking toward the end of his boat Johnny casually practised swinging the bat around as if he were hitting imaginary baseballs.
“Well will you take look at that.” Said one of the two guys now standing half way up the gang plank to Johnny’s pride and joy, “THE BLUE ORCHID.”
The larger of the two men carried on speaking. “Hey Johnny we don’t want no trouble,” he turned and looked at his brother who was the complete opposite, in physical build that is. “We don’t want no trouble do we Danny?”
The thin slightly almost effeminate man shrilled back and said. “No, we sure don’t Anton.”
The thin man; Danny, had a face that reminded Johnny of a weasel and when he spoke it was of the high-pitched nasal variety.
Johnny sighed audibly and then staring directly at the two men on his gangplank said.
“For the last time, I’m not interested in your proposal, can’t you get it in to your thick fucking skulls. “I am not selling the Goddammed boat, capiche?“
The larger of the two men smiled and slowly reached into a breast pocket of the Hawaiian shirt he was wearing. Johnny cautiously stepped back in alarm, the large man spoke whilst pausing in mid reach.
“You know what this is?” The large man called Anton was now waving a large fat brown package at Johnny.
“No.” Said Johnny “and I don’t fucking care, so if you’d like to remove your worthless fucking carcasses off my boat.”
The thin man interrupted Johnny and shrilled. “You know what? You got an attitude problem mister, we’re trying to do you a favour here, ain’t that so Anton?”
“Yea”-replied Anton “we’re just a couple a regular guys trying to help out a feller in need, in fact me and my Brother Danny here figured we could be social workers, ain’t that so Danny?”
“Yea, ain’t that the truth,” replied a smirking Danny.
Johnny Damon was already over and beyond the tolerance threshold required to cope with the ass end of life, which was in this case the Petroni brothers.
For weeks now these two morons had harassed Johnny at every given opportunity. Offers turned to threats, threats turned to bribes, bribes turned to blackmail and now judging by the large brown package, we had arrived full circle back to the beginning and the offer stage again.
Edging a little closer, Anton Petroni slowly and deliberately threw the brown package, underarm style toward the aft deck were Johnny was standing.
As soon as the package had been dispatched, Anton slowly back tracked his way down the gangplank and repositioned himself on the quayside at the side of his brother Danny once more.
“There’s fifty large in there.” Shouted Anton, “go on, count it if you like, you won’t get a better offer than that and you know it.”
Johnny looked down at the brown fat package that had the $50,000 in it. Just for a split second Johnny was tempted. Even though he owed the bank $10,000, if he sold to the Petroni’s it would mean he wouldn’t have anywhere to live as well as no income.
However as quick as that thought came into Johnny’s head it disappeared and Johnny slowly reached down towards the package.
Immediately the two Petroni’s celebrated by high fiving each other on the quayside and Anton duly shouted up to Johnny saying. “Good decision Damon it’s about time, we’re reasonable guys and don’t worry we’ll put her to good use won’t we Danny?”
“Sure will,” replied a gleeful Danny.
Suddenly both men stopped laughing in fact both of them had expressions on their faces that indicated something really bad was about to happen.. For them it was.
As soon as Johnny had retrieved the package off the aft deck he slowly threw the brown envelope up and down in his left hand, as if he was trying to gauge something. At the sixth attempt and to the horror of both Petroni’s, Johnny Damon threw the package about twenty feet up in the air.
As the package soared high into the air both men screamed “Noooooooo.!”
Then as the package made it’s decent, Johnny swung the three and a half foot bat high over his left shoulder and proceeded to smack the package full on.
On contact with the bat the brown outer packaging disintegrated and as a consequence 500 $100 bills fluttered prettily on the gentle breeze that was blowing around on yet another beautiful day in Lahaina harbour.
With hands on hips and laughing so loud it nearly hurt, Johnny watched with intense amusement at the unfortunate Petroni’s, who were now scurrying around like sewer rats in heat with flailing arms in a vain attempt to stop all that money from blowing away.
Then something else happened that nearly caused Johnny to rupture his spleen.
Some passing good Samaritans had offered to help in the retrieval of the flying money but much to the chagrin of the Petroni’s, only for them to then suddenly discover their darker personas and subsequently hightail it out of there clutching fistfuls of $100 bills.
******
4pm later that day Johnny made it back to his berth in Lahaina harbour and after securing his beloved boat the Blue Orchid, he showered, dressed and headed out for a favourite haunt of his called Ricky’s bar.
Front street was bustling with tourists as it always is at this time of year, wait until tomorrow night mused Johnny. Indeed if he thought it was busy now, it would be absolutely crazy tomorrow evening, for tomorrow was Halloween and Halloween in Hawaii was a very big deal.
On this occasion the mayor of Lahaina had in corporation with various local construction companies, decided to build a special raft big enough to hold at least a hundred people.
In this case it would be kids all dressed in the various apparel associated with All Hallows eve.
The idea being the brightly illuminated raft would be towed all the way from Puunoa on the north side of town, down to the Banyan tree park on the south side.
Johnny had just necked his third bud when he heard a familiar and welcome voice.
“Hey if it isn’t my old buddy Johnny come lightly, you old bastard?”
Johnny swiftly turned around to see his old buddy Bob Teller.. Bob was an ex Navy seal as was Johnny and both Bob and Johnny went way back.
“How you been you crazy sonafabitch?” Said Johnny.
“Oh ya know makin a buck here and there, you know how it is.”
Both men caught up with the news of what they’d both been up to and didn’t Bob roar with laughter when informed of the flying money episode earlier that day.
“Those fuckin Putz’es, some morons just don’t ever learn,” said Bob.
A few minutes later Johnny turned around to look directly at his best buddy and with a straight face said. “Watcha really here for Bob?”
Bob Teller stared back and then suddenly broke out into a wreath of smiles.
“You old fucker, still got it, ain’t ya, you always did know when something was up.”
Both men laughed, high fived each other and Bob then told Johnny why he was here in Lahaina.
“As you well know Johnny, I’ve been diving since I left the service; you know, a little bit here a little bit there, mostly oil companies, then some marine work in Baja.
I even got a small contract working for Greenpeace, they wanted an ex Navy diver to check underneath all their boats particularly when near French Pacific territory, you know what I’m saying.”
Johnny did, he’d heard of dirty tricks being played by certain members of the French secret service and he could understand Greenpeace hiring someone with Bob’s experience, especially after The Rainbow Warrior incident.
Bob Teller continued on. “Well that work was OK and it paid the bills, but it wasn’t regular and as you know, every diver only ever really becomes a diver for one reason and that’s a fact.”
Johnny knew where this was going now and as such he gently interrupted his pal. “I take it you’ve spotted a wreck?”
Just at that moment Bob lurched forward and grabbed Johnny by the shoulders. “This is the big one Johnny, the one every diver dreams about, the fucking motherload.”
A slightly startled Johnny just blinked at his friend and then said. “Where is it?”
Bob Teller relaxed his grip on Johnny’s shoulders and then swiftly glancing round, began to speak softly.
“According to official Spanish Maritime records, in 1675 a Spanish Galleon named the La Concepcion set sail from Acapulco in Mexico en route to Manila in the Philippines.”
Bob paused and sat back a little then leaned forward again.
“Well, she never got there, official records state she sank in a storm a thousand miles west of Mexico, but unofficially.” Bob paused again then stared a little more intently this time and Johnny could have sworn he saw his best friend’s eyes glitter.
Bob whispered and leaning so far toward Johnny, Johnny thought Bob was going to kiss him, he said. “I know where it is Johnny I fucking know where the lost gold of the La Concepción really is!"
Immediately after Bob teller and Johnny Damon had left Rick’s bar, the bartender reached into his pocket and pressed speed dial.
“Yea, just like you asked me to Mr Petroni.” Said the bartender.
“That’s the truth sir, definitely something about some shipwreck carrying gold, sure thing Mr Petroni.” And at that point the barman hung up.
*****
Denny’s bar and grill, Kahului harbour.
Joe Trappatoni grabbed the glass and duly drained every last drop of Wild Turkey. “Fuck me I love that stuff,” sighed a now extremely relaxed Joe.
He produced a cigarette out of a Marlboro pack and after taking the first hit, thought of what he was he was going to do to this fucking bitch who had the temerity to try and steal money out of his wallet.
Indeed Joe had purposely left his wallet on the bar and pretended to go to the john, fucking Hoe’s, they just couldn’t resist, a guy had to have eyes in his fucking ass these days.
As the tall blond woman arrived back from the powder room she nimbly and expertly extracted the cigarette out of Joe’s hand and taking a long drag exhaled a long plume into his face. “That turn you on?” She said in a low seductive voice.
Joe Trappatoni was mesmerised, the fucking nerve of this broad.
As the odd couple exited Denny’s bar they headed out to Kahului harbour Park breakwater, a regular spot for romantic couples who usually had more in mind than a quick kiss and a cuddle.
As they got toward the end of the breakwater, both Joe and Laverne started to kiss. “Whoa, well hello Mr fucking tongue.” said a somewhat startled Laverne and then laughing, hungrily reciprocated.
Suddenly Laverne pushed Joe back and cried “Hey did you just bite me you fucking moron?”
A trickle of blood appeared on Laverne’s cheek and all of a sudden Laverne Blossom Levinski was afraid.
Checking no one was about, Joe edged slowly forward menacingly toward a now scared to death Laverne.
“You little fucking bitch, did you think I wouldn’t notice a hundred bucks missing?” A now terrified Laverne began inching toward the edge of the breakwater, she didn’t have anywhere else to go.
Slowly, Joe unzipped his pants then made a move for Laverne.
As Joe grabbed both her arms for better access, Laverne remembered what her Mom always said. “If all else fails, kick em in the balls.” A three inch stiletto heel connected with Joe Trappatoni’s left testicle and Joe screamed as if he were on fire.
As soon as the kick had landed, Joe momentarily let go of Laverne’s arms and if the kick came from Mom, then the right hook to Joe’s jaw surely came from her Dad. The punch was true and Joe Trappatoni staggered back, then over the breakwater railing and into the water below.
At first Laverne just wanted to get the fuck away from there, however she couldn’t resist the urge to look out over the breakwater wall and see if the guy had drowned.
Just as Laverne peeked over the wall she saw a sight that she would surely take to the grave.
“Oh my fucking God!!“ she screamed and instantly Laverne Blossom Levinski ran like the Devil was behind her, tapping her on the shoulder.
As soon as Laverne burst into Denny’s bar she slumped onto a barstool and demanded a “large fucking scotch.”
“You OK hon?” Said the bartender. Laverne looked up and wiping a mixture of blood and tears away from her face she said. “Would you be?”
With a puzzled expression on his face he asked what did she mean by that?
Laverne took another slug and then spoke.
“I’ve just seen the biggest mother-fucking shark in the world.”
“Well,” replied the barman, “we sure do have a few Tiger’s swimming around these parts, 20ft I think is the biggest ever seen.”
“Yea.” Said Laverne. “Well this motherfucker had a man in its mouth and “he” was still alive!”
*****
Anton Petroni replaced the cell phone back into his shirt pocket and then turned to his brother Danny.
“That sonafabitch’s up to sumthin Danny and sure as hell we’re gonna find out what.”
***********
Antonio Luigi Petroni along with his brother Danny were born and raised in Brooklyn New York. Both Anton and Danny had a rather stormy upbringing, probably due to the fact that both Mom and Dad were full on alcoholics and more often than not, after they’d finished kicking the crap out of each other, they would then turn their attentions on Anton and Danny.
Both Anton and Danny being twins, meant that they stayed together throughout their educational years and even by 4th grade in Elementary school both brothers were already showing a unique prowess for extortion and intimidation.
Anton Petroni replaced the cell phone back into his shirt pocket and then turned to his brother Danny.
“That sonafabitch’s up to sumthin Danny and sure as hell we’re gonna find out what.”
***********
Antonio Luigi Petroni along with his brother Danny were born and raised in Brooklyn New York. Both Anton and Danny had a rather stormy upbringing, probably due to the fact that both Mom and Dad were full on alcoholics and more often than not, after they’d finished kicking the crap out of each other, they would then turn their attentions on Anton and Danny.
Both Anton and Danny being twins, meant that they stayed together throughout their educational years and even by 4th grade in Elementary school both brothers were already showing a unique prowess for extortion and intimidation.
By the time the Petroni’s arrived at 7th grade and middle school, the City of New York’s educational authority had seen enough, as a consequence Anton and Danny were permanently excluded.
Which was a good thing for all parties. The EA got to see the back of potentially two of it’s most ill behaved students ever. Luigi and Maria Petroni wouldn’t have to stump up for school fees or stupid recreational trips to Niagara falls anymore. And the expulsions finally allowed the Petroni brothers freedom to pursue an already budding career in pushing narcotics, of which would go on to flourish and flower.
Indeed by the time the Petroni’s reached their mid twenties, they’d achieved quite the reputation in trafficking certain illegal substances, mainly cocaine, which soon brought them to the attention of both the FBI and the Gamboni family.
Michael Gamboni first introduced himself to the Petroni’s by casually walking into one of the brother’s favourite restaurants (ROLO‘S)
Striding directly up to them, Michael placed a large black briefcase in front of the two bemused diners and still not saying a word proceeded to open it.
Both Petroni’s nearly barfed there and then. For inside the attaché case were two human heads and in front of the two heads was a large type written sign saying, [your future]
Then Michael Gamboni spoke. “Or you can work for us, we’ll give you 30% of what you make, deal?” Michael Gamboni then held out his hand.
For ten productive years Anton and Danny worked in the employ of one of the most powerful crime families in New York. Then suddenly, en route to meet a business associate at the east river docks one morning, the Petroni’s Lincoln Nova was sideswiped and after hearing screams of “FBI” and “get down on the fucking ground” both brothers were whisked off to a safe house.
Special Agent Brown then informed the unfortunate siblings that through the amazing feat of technology. (wire taps and surveillance cameras) The State of New York had enough evidence on the Petroni’s to put them away “for eternity, unless.”
As soon as the word “unless” got mentioned the Petroni’s became interested, even though it meant testifying against their boss Michael Gamboni, who had just been indicted on several counts of first degree homicide.
Six months later and after escaping three mysteriously unexplained accidents, the two latest members of the Department of Justice’s witness protection program set foot on Hawaiian soil for the first time. And even after pleas from Agent Brown to change their names and identity, it wasn’t long before the two double crossing Brothers had managed to gain a foothold on the lucrative market that was crystal methamphetamine, “ice.
***************
“So how we’re gonna do that bro?” Shrilled Danny. Anton smiled and replying said. “We’re gonna hide on his fucking boat and when they get to where they’re going and if there is some truth in all this BS and there is some fucking ship full a gold, then.” At that point Anton picked up a big shiny Glock 1.7 and admiring it said. “We’ll just have to fucking help ourselves won’t we.”
******
US Coastguard Headquarters, Sector Honolulu, Hawaii.
Admiral Staniforth replaced the handset and sat back in a large leather chair. Steepling both palms of his hands together he tried to make sense of what his colleague and close friend Admiral Bergdorf had just said to him.
Admiral Bergdorf was the C in C of the United States Navy at Pearl Harbour and thinking over what the Admiral had just said, gave John Staniforth real cause for concern.
Accessing some classified files on his computer, Staniforth scrolled through various databases to see if he could find any references to great white shark attacks in and around Hawaiian waters. He couldn’t. “Umm,” murmured Staniforth to himself.
Picking up the phone again he asked if Chief Petty officer Maleko was anywhere in the immediate vicinity?
15 minutes later a very large Hawaiian appeared wearing an immaculate uniform, in fact CPO Maleko looked like an action figure doll that young boys used to find in their presents at Christmas.
After briefly saluting and then the shaking of hands, Admiral Staniforth relayed to the CPO what Bergdorf had said to him on the horn.
Maleko sat down on a chair facing the Admiral and suddenly with a serious expression on his face said. “Are you superstitious Admiral?”
Staniforth stared back at Maleko with an almost amused expression on “his” face and then immediately checked himself. Admiral Staniforth was well aware of local superstitions and folklore and the affinity Hawaiian people had for them.
“Can’t say I am Chief; I prefer cold facts and reality if I’m being perfectly honest.”
Chief Petty Officer Maleko smiled and then said. “May I tell you a short story?”
Staniforth was just about to ask what was the relevance and then realised CPO Maleko usually didn’t spin any horse shit. In fact in all the years Staniforth had worked with the big Hawaiian, he’d barely heard him string a sentence together so this should be quite the event. Maleko then began to speak.
"Once upon a time there were was a great warrior king by the name of Kamelo, who ruled the Island we now call Maui.
Kamelo though fierce and brave in battle, ruled fairly and just and as a result the Island of Maui flourished and prospered. However there was one who did not like to see Kamelo on the throne and the evil high priest Tokonoti decided he wanted the kingdom for himself.
Gathering an army of followers, Tokonoti attacked, ransacked and burned down the house of King Kamelo as well as murdering the Queen.
King Kamelo also had two sons, however the evil priest decided not to kill the two young princes but to sacrifice them instead.”
Staniforth listened now rapt with attention; still he wondered though what it had to do with the strange indentations on the Hawaii, CPO Maleko continued on with the tale.
“After arriving at a spot called Halawa bay, Tokonoti along with his disciples erected two long poles in roughly about ten feet of water, then after chanting some ungodly words they waited.
Suddenly there was a shout and over the horizon appeared King Kamelo along with a small army of hand-picked warriors. Just as the followers of Tokonoti and Kamelo clashed, there was a huge wave and arriving out of that wave was the biggest shark ever known to man, it was the shark god KAUHUHU.
Knowing now that Tokonoti had intended to sacrifice his two sons to KAUHUHU, Kamelo aided by some of his bravest warriors attacked and managed to beat off the huge fish, thus saving the lives of his two beloved sons.
Shortly after that, any remaining followers were swiftly put to death, however no one ever found the evil priest Tokonoti, some say Tokonoti “was” KAUHUHU in human form.
Indeed the legend states that soon after the incident at Halawa bay, Tokonoti came to Kamelo in the form of a dream and swore vengeance that one day, KAUHUHU would return and when he did, there would be death and destruction on a level never before seen in Hawaii.”
CPO Maleko then duly returned to the standing position, saluted and swiftly exited the Admiral’s office.
Which was a good thing for all parties. The EA got to see the back of potentially two of it’s most ill behaved students ever. Luigi and Maria Petroni wouldn’t have to stump up for school fees or stupid recreational trips to Niagara falls anymore. And the expulsions finally allowed the Petroni brothers freedom to pursue an already budding career in pushing narcotics, of which would go on to flourish and flower.
Indeed by the time the Petroni’s reached their mid twenties, they’d achieved quite the reputation in trafficking certain illegal substances, mainly cocaine, which soon brought them to the attention of both the FBI and the Gamboni family.
Michael Gamboni first introduced himself to the Petroni’s by casually walking into one of the brother’s favourite restaurants (ROLO‘S)
Striding directly up to them, Michael placed a large black briefcase in front of the two bemused diners and still not saying a word proceeded to open it.
Both Petroni’s nearly barfed there and then. For inside the attaché case were two human heads and in front of the two heads was a large type written sign saying, [your future]
Then Michael Gamboni spoke. “Or you can work for us, we’ll give you 30% of what you make, deal?” Michael Gamboni then held out his hand.
For ten productive years Anton and Danny worked in the employ of one of the most powerful crime families in New York. Then suddenly, en route to meet a business associate at the east river docks one morning, the Petroni’s Lincoln Nova was sideswiped and after hearing screams of “FBI” and “get down on the fucking ground” both brothers were whisked off to a safe house.
Special Agent Brown then informed the unfortunate siblings that through the amazing feat of technology. (wire taps and surveillance cameras) The State of New York had enough evidence on the Petroni’s to put them away “for eternity, unless.”
As soon as the word “unless” got mentioned the Petroni’s became interested, even though it meant testifying against their boss Michael Gamboni, who had just been indicted on several counts of first degree homicide.
Six months later and after escaping three mysteriously unexplained accidents, the two latest members of the Department of Justice’s witness protection program set foot on Hawaiian soil for the first time. And even after pleas from Agent Brown to change their names and identity, it wasn’t long before the two double crossing Brothers had managed to gain a foothold on the lucrative market that was crystal methamphetamine, “ice.
***************
“So how we’re gonna do that bro?” Shrilled Danny. Anton smiled and replying said. “We’re gonna hide on his fucking boat and when they get to where they’re going and if there is some truth in all this BS and there is some fucking ship full a gold, then.” At that point Anton picked up a big shiny Glock 1.7 and admiring it said. “We’ll just have to fucking help ourselves won’t we.”
******
US Coastguard Headquarters, Sector Honolulu, Hawaii.
Admiral Staniforth replaced the handset and sat back in a large leather chair. Steepling both palms of his hands together he tried to make sense of what his colleague and close friend Admiral Bergdorf had just said to him.
Admiral Bergdorf was the C in C of the United States Navy at Pearl Harbour and thinking over what the Admiral had just said, gave John Staniforth real cause for concern.
Accessing some classified files on his computer, Staniforth scrolled through various databases to see if he could find any references to great white shark attacks in and around Hawaiian waters. He couldn’t. “Umm,” murmured Staniforth to himself.
Picking up the phone again he asked if Chief Petty officer Maleko was anywhere in the immediate vicinity?
15 minutes later a very large Hawaiian appeared wearing an immaculate uniform, in fact CPO Maleko looked like an action figure doll that young boys used to find in their presents at Christmas.
After briefly saluting and then the shaking of hands, Admiral Staniforth relayed to the CPO what Bergdorf had said to him on the horn.
Maleko sat down on a chair facing the Admiral and suddenly with a serious expression on his face said. “Are you superstitious Admiral?”
Staniforth stared back at Maleko with an almost amused expression on “his” face and then immediately checked himself. Admiral Staniforth was well aware of local superstitions and folklore and the affinity Hawaiian people had for them.
“Can’t say I am Chief; I prefer cold facts and reality if I’m being perfectly honest.”
Chief Petty Officer Maleko smiled and then said. “May I tell you a short story?”
Staniforth was just about to ask what was the relevance and then realised CPO Maleko usually didn’t spin any horse shit. In fact in all the years Staniforth had worked with the big Hawaiian, he’d barely heard him string a sentence together so this should be quite the event. Maleko then began to speak.
"Once upon a time there were was a great warrior king by the name of Kamelo, who ruled the Island we now call Maui.
Kamelo though fierce and brave in battle, ruled fairly and just and as a result the Island of Maui flourished and prospered. However there was one who did not like to see Kamelo on the throne and the evil high priest Tokonoti decided he wanted the kingdom for himself.
Gathering an army of followers, Tokonoti attacked, ransacked and burned down the house of King Kamelo as well as murdering the Queen.
King Kamelo also had two sons, however the evil priest decided not to kill the two young princes but to sacrifice them instead.”
Staniforth listened now rapt with attention; still he wondered though what it had to do with the strange indentations on the Hawaii, CPO Maleko continued on with the tale.
“After arriving at a spot called Halawa bay, Tokonoti along with his disciples erected two long poles in roughly about ten feet of water, then after chanting some ungodly words they waited.
Suddenly there was a shout and over the horizon appeared King Kamelo along with a small army of hand-picked warriors. Just as the followers of Tokonoti and Kamelo clashed, there was a huge wave and arriving out of that wave was the biggest shark ever known to man, it was the shark god KAUHUHU.
Knowing now that Tokonoti had intended to sacrifice his two sons to KAUHUHU, Kamelo aided by some of his bravest warriors attacked and managed to beat off the huge fish, thus saving the lives of his two beloved sons.
Shortly after that, any remaining followers were swiftly put to death, however no one ever found the evil priest Tokonoti, some say Tokonoti “was” KAUHUHU in human form.
Indeed the legend states that soon after the incident at Halawa bay, Tokonoti came to Kamelo in the form of a dream and swore vengeance that one day, KAUHUHU would return and when he did, there would be death and destruction on a level never before seen in Hawaii.”
CPO Maleko then duly returned to the standing position, saluted and swiftly exited the Admiral’s office.
Staniforth, even though he couldn’t understand why, immediately initiated an all points shark alert to “all” patrolling cutters and silently prayed that this time CPO Maleko had indeed, just for once, been talking horseshit!
*****
Molokini Island, halfway between Maui and Kahoolawe.
A fifty foot two masted ketch dropped anchor just off the coast of the island of Molokini. That was the correct name, however the locals called Molokini the island of the crescent moon and for good reason, this island really “is” shaped like a crescent moon.
Dawn was cracking over the distant island of Maui and the sky was now a kaleidoscopic fusion of Canary Yellow, Cherry Red and Cobalt Blue..
Just another day in paradise!!
“Are you sure this is the spot?” Said a bleary eyed Johnny Damon?”
“You bet your ass I’m sure,” replied an animated Bob Teller. Who even though he’d also only had the same amount of sleep as his buddy, you wouldn’t have thought so, given the way Bob was jumping up and down, a bit like a virgin on prom night. Plus the disturbing sparkling eyes had returned again, of which was starting to concern Johnny a little, was his buddy starting to get gold fever?
Both men stared again at the crinkled map along with a few scrawled notes that Bob had compiled over the last few weeks.
*****
Molokini Island, halfway between Maui and Kahoolawe.
A fifty foot two masted ketch dropped anchor just off the coast of the island of Molokini. That was the correct name, however the locals called Molokini the island of the crescent moon and for good reason, this island really “is” shaped like a crescent moon.
Dawn was cracking over the distant island of Maui and the sky was now a kaleidoscopic fusion of Canary Yellow, Cherry Red and Cobalt Blue..
Just another day in paradise!!
“Are you sure this is the spot?” Said a bleary eyed Johnny Damon?”
“You bet your ass I’m sure,” replied an animated Bob Teller. Who even though he’d also only had the same amount of sleep as his buddy, you wouldn’t have thought so, given the way Bob was jumping up and down, a bit like a virgin on prom night. Plus the disturbing sparkling eyes had returned again, of which was starting to concern Johnny a little, was his buddy starting to get gold fever?
Both men stared again at the crinkled map along with a few scrawled notes that Bob had compiled over the last few weeks.
Bob glanced at Johnny then said. “There’s a lot a diving goes on in these parts, but it’s usually around the other side of the island, much too touristy for the likes of me, if you know what I mean? Well anyway” and Bob continued on.
“One morning, about three weeks ago now I was out here just minding my own business when I spotted this motor cruiser, big fancy fucker, probably about 150ft bow to stern. Well, she was anchored off about a mile over there” and Bob pointed out through the window of the Blue Orchid’s bridge, Bob then had a quick slurp of coffee and carried on.
“It’s not often you get tourists boats this side of the island, they usually weigh off where all the action is, you know, the scuba schools, gear rental stores, bars and so on, well, curiosity got the better of me so I sorta snuck in for a closer look.
As I got closer I noticed a lotta dive activity, usually associated in a specified operation, as in looking for something. They had about twelve guys suited up and they even had one a those Bathyspheres, this one was a two seater so I figured these guys were pretty serious about whatever they were looking for.”
Bob paused, then again carried on.
“Sooner or later I guessed they’d see me and they did. Right a ways an outboard shot over to me and a couple of official looking guys asked what the hell I was doing snooping around? I said I wasn’t snooping and that I was just out for a nice leisurely dive and “hey” it was a free fucking country anyway.
They weren’t too happy about that and said they were on official business and had permission from the governor himself. As well as that if I didn’t back off I would be arrested.
Well I didn’t “want” or “need” any shit from any law enforcement. For some reason as soon as they find out you’re an ex seal they get all fucking macho and start trying that, so you’re think you’re a fuckin tough guy bullshit. So I hightailed it outa there, but not before I noticed a large silver box on the outboard about 5x3 and on it were the words LA MUSEUM LA NACIONAL ANTIQUITIES.”
Bob glanced up at Johnny and said, “it didn’t take much figuring out that those mothers were on a treasure hunt, so I kinda invited myself along, the next day to be exact.
There was no cruiser this time, I figured she must have taken a powder and now having free reign I was able to indulge in some serious treasure huntin and “this.“
“One morning, about three weeks ago now I was out here just minding my own business when I spotted this motor cruiser, big fancy fucker, probably about 150ft bow to stern. Well, she was anchored off about a mile over there” and Bob pointed out through the window of the Blue Orchid’s bridge, Bob then had a quick slurp of coffee and carried on.
“It’s not often you get tourists boats this side of the island, they usually weigh off where all the action is, you know, the scuba schools, gear rental stores, bars and so on, well, curiosity got the better of me so I sorta snuck in for a closer look.
As I got closer I noticed a lotta dive activity, usually associated in a specified operation, as in looking for something. They had about twelve guys suited up and they even had one a those Bathyspheres, this one was a two seater so I figured these guys were pretty serious about whatever they were looking for.”
Bob paused, then again carried on.
“Sooner or later I guessed they’d see me and they did. Right a ways an outboard shot over to me and a couple of official looking guys asked what the hell I was doing snooping around? I said I wasn’t snooping and that I was just out for a nice leisurely dive and “hey” it was a free fucking country anyway.
They weren’t too happy about that and said they were on official business and had permission from the governor himself. As well as that if I didn’t back off I would be arrested.
Well I didn’t “want” or “need” any shit from any law enforcement. For some reason as soon as they find out you’re an ex seal they get all fucking macho and start trying that, so you’re think you’re a fuckin tough guy bullshit. So I hightailed it outa there, but not before I noticed a large silver box on the outboard about 5x3 and on it were the words LA MUSEUM LA NACIONAL ANTIQUITIES.”
Bob glanced up at Johnny and said, “it didn’t take much figuring out that those mothers were on a treasure hunt, so I kinda invited myself along, the next day to be exact.
There was no cruiser this time, I figured she must have taken a powder and now having free reign I was able to indulge in some serious treasure huntin and “this.“
Bob’s eyes were literally shinning now and he pointed down towards the Orchid’s deck, “is where it’s at my friend, “this” is where you and me get filthy stinkin fucking rich.”
As Bob Teller made that exclamation, just to the rear of the bridge and in one of the holds, a large folded sail moved ever so slightly and a smiling Anton Petroni smiled back at his brother Danny and “yes,” both men’s eyes were now glittering too.
*****
Lahaina Harbour.
The M.V. Pride of Maui slowly inched its way out of Lahaina harbour and directly bobbing along behind it was what looked like a floating football pitch surrounded by a four-foot guardrail.
The Keiko raft was a specially built contraption designed solely for one purpose and that was to transport one hundred kids from Puunoa in the north, to the harbour near to the Banyan tree park.
Which is where the MV Pride of Maui was now, this being a dress rehearsal for tonight’s festivities.
As Bob Teller made that exclamation, just to the rear of the bridge and in one of the holds, a large folded sail moved ever so slightly and a smiling Anton Petroni smiled back at his brother Danny and “yes,” both men’s eyes were now glittering too.
*****
Lahaina Harbour.
The M.V. Pride of Maui slowly inched its way out of Lahaina harbour and directly bobbing along behind it was what looked like a floating football pitch surrounded by a four-foot guardrail.
The Keiko raft was a specially built contraption designed solely for one purpose and that was to transport one hundred kids from Puunoa in the north, to the harbour near to the Banyan tree park.
Which is where the MV Pride of Maui was now, this being a dress rehearsal for tonight’s festivities.
The skipper of the MV Pride of Maui smiled as he set a steady course for Puunoa. Indeed Mallory Kanato felt honoured to be the skipper of the first ever sea born Keiko parade hence the name for the floating raft.
He had to admit, even though this was an election year, the Mayor of Lahaina had really endeared himself to the local residents this time, a wonderful idea thought Mallory.
Even though the MV Pride of Maui and the Keiko raft would only be about a hundred feet away from the front street promenade, the depth of water here would be quite substantial and as such there would inevitably be life guards and divers on hand as well as uniformed marshals travelling along with the kids on-board the Keiko raft.
As soon as the tug had crept past the breakwater the skipper increased speed to a nice steady 5 knots.
As this was a dry run and not the real thing, there was only a skeleton crew aboard the Pride of Maui and as such all three were situated in the wheelhouse.
So no one noticed when a huge dorsal fin dipped under the trailing wake of the Keiko raft.
Mallory smoked contentedly on his pipe when he didn’t so much see they were going faster, he felt it!
Mallory pulled the pipe from his mouth and ceased smiling. Glancing at the Pitometer in front of him he said. “Will someone tell me why we’re travelling at ten knots instead of the five as I requested?”
Mallory glanced at one of the other crew?
“Don’t make any sense,” said a crew member arriving back onto the bridge a few minutes later. He’d been and checked everything was OK in the engine room and the rev counters both on the bridge and in the engine room indicated the vessel was travelling at a rate of five nautical miles per hour.
Captain Mallory started to get a little bit worried, why was the Pitometer telling him one thing but the rev counters in the engine room telling him another, it just didn’t make any sense.
“Go out and take a look at the Keiko raft,” ordered the skipper to another member of the crew.
Talia Kunoka walked toward the stern of the tug and looked out and then down toward the bobbing raft.
Talia couldn’t figure it out, there didn’t appear to be anything wrong, but if the skip said there was then there was, so he decided to leap down the five feet onto the raft and take a closer look.
The first thing Talia noticed was, as he got nearer and nearer to the stern of the raft was the wake.
He hadn’t noticed it from where he was on the tug’s aft end, but now, being were he was now, right at the very end of the Keiko raft it did seem to be quite substantial and Talia suddenly had a crazy thought, like, was something actually pushing them?
Just at that moment Mallory radioed down to Talia stating that the dial indicated the tug had now decreased back to 5 knots.
Suddenly and without warning something jolted the Keiko raft and sent Talia spinning toward the four feet guardrail! A voice blurted out of the radio and asked “what the fuck was that?”
Talia didn’t know or care, he was too busy hanging on for dear life.
Whatever it was that had hit the raft had caused him to tumble over the guardrail and with both legs now trailing in the water he tried desperately to haul himself up and back onto the raft.
With an almighty effort Talia somehow managed to pull himself back onto the raft.. The second he’d landed onto the raft, colossal jaws reared up out of nowhere and barely missing Talia and with a horrible snapping sound crashed shut.
Poor Talia was hysterical and once he’d reached the end of the raft and still screaming, he actually leapt the full five feet and back onto the stern of the MV Pride of Maui!!!
He had to admit, even though this was an election year, the Mayor of Lahaina had really endeared himself to the local residents this time, a wonderful idea thought Mallory.
Even though the MV Pride of Maui and the Keiko raft would only be about a hundred feet away from the front street promenade, the depth of water here would be quite substantial and as such there would inevitably be life guards and divers on hand as well as uniformed marshals travelling along with the kids on-board the Keiko raft.
As soon as the tug had crept past the breakwater the skipper increased speed to a nice steady 5 knots.
As this was a dry run and not the real thing, there was only a skeleton crew aboard the Pride of Maui and as such all three were situated in the wheelhouse.
So no one noticed when a huge dorsal fin dipped under the trailing wake of the Keiko raft.
Mallory smoked contentedly on his pipe when he didn’t so much see they were going faster, he felt it!
Mallory pulled the pipe from his mouth and ceased smiling. Glancing at the Pitometer in front of him he said. “Will someone tell me why we’re travelling at ten knots instead of the five as I requested?”
Mallory glanced at one of the other crew?
“Don’t make any sense,” said a crew member arriving back onto the bridge a few minutes later. He’d been and checked everything was OK in the engine room and the rev counters both on the bridge and in the engine room indicated the vessel was travelling at a rate of five nautical miles per hour.
Captain Mallory started to get a little bit worried, why was the Pitometer telling him one thing but the rev counters in the engine room telling him another, it just didn’t make any sense.
“Go out and take a look at the Keiko raft,” ordered the skipper to another member of the crew.
Talia Kunoka walked toward the stern of the tug and looked out and then down toward the bobbing raft.
Talia couldn’t figure it out, there didn’t appear to be anything wrong, but if the skip said there was then there was, so he decided to leap down the five feet onto the raft and take a closer look.
The first thing Talia noticed was, as he got nearer and nearer to the stern of the raft was the wake.
He hadn’t noticed it from where he was on the tug’s aft end, but now, being were he was now, right at the very end of the Keiko raft it did seem to be quite substantial and Talia suddenly had a crazy thought, like, was something actually pushing them?
Just at that moment Mallory radioed down to Talia stating that the dial indicated the tug had now decreased back to 5 knots.
Suddenly and without warning something jolted the Keiko raft and sent Talia spinning toward the four feet guardrail! A voice blurted out of the radio and asked “what the fuck was that?”
Talia didn’t know or care, he was too busy hanging on for dear life.
Whatever it was that had hit the raft had caused him to tumble over the guardrail and with both legs now trailing in the water he tried desperately to haul himself up and back onto the raft.
With an almighty effort Talia somehow managed to pull himself back onto the raft.. The second he’d landed onto the raft, colossal jaws reared up out of nowhere and barely missing Talia and with a horrible snapping sound crashed shut.
Poor Talia was hysterical and once he’d reached the end of the raft and still screaming, he actually leapt the full five feet and back onto the stern of the MV Pride of Maui!!!
*****
8.am and after a hearty breakfast of, eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns and a generous round of buttered toast, as well as copious amounts of black coffee, the two intrepid treasure hunters prepared themselves for the dive ahead.
As Bob had earlier reiterated, this dive would only be an exploratory one, or in Bob’s words a getting to know were your treasure is dive.
Equipment checked to the highest levels, both Bob and Johnny were two of the US Navy’s most experienced divers and as such were more than competent in an operation of this nature.
Last minute checks followed by the A -OK sign then both Bob Teller and Johnny Damon back flipped over and into the wondrous environment that is the Pacific Ocean.
Johnny followed Bob’s lead and both divers headed swiftly down toward what hopefully was that little pot of gold at the end of the rainbow or in this case, a cache of Spanish treasure.
The sight that first greeted Johnny was just out of this world!! Indeed he’d forgotten how beautiful the world was underneath the waves as it was on the surface.
A huge shoal of Pennant, coral and butterfly fish swirled past them in what seemed like a living cloud.
Johnny then felt a nudge from Bob and as his buddy pointed in an upward direction. Johnny saw not one, but six huge black Eagle Rays swimming serenely overhead. The sheer majesty of these creatures was breathtaking.
A less endearing but equally impressive Hammerhead shark suddenly appeared and with an almost imperious disdain for the two divers, swam past them as if they didn’t exist.
Bob teller signalled again and this time he was indicating he had seen something then pointed toward that direction. Kicking both flippers Johnny now saw what Bob was so excited about.
Roughly about a hundred feet away was a large overhanging coral reef and in all the years Johnny had been diving, he’d never quite seen anything like this.!!
8.am and after a hearty breakfast of, eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns and a generous round of buttered toast, as well as copious amounts of black coffee, the two intrepid treasure hunters prepared themselves for the dive ahead.
As Bob had earlier reiterated, this dive would only be an exploratory one, or in Bob’s words a getting to know were your treasure is dive.
Equipment checked to the highest levels, both Bob and Johnny were two of the US Navy’s most experienced divers and as such were more than competent in an operation of this nature.
Last minute checks followed by the A -OK sign then both Bob Teller and Johnny Damon back flipped over and into the wondrous environment that is the Pacific Ocean.
Johnny followed Bob’s lead and both divers headed swiftly down toward what hopefully was that little pot of gold at the end of the rainbow or in this case, a cache of Spanish treasure.
The sight that first greeted Johnny was just out of this world!! Indeed he’d forgotten how beautiful the world was underneath the waves as it was on the surface.
A huge shoal of Pennant, coral and butterfly fish swirled past them in what seemed like a living cloud.
Johnny then felt a nudge from Bob and as his buddy pointed in an upward direction. Johnny saw not one, but six huge black Eagle Rays swimming serenely overhead. The sheer majesty of these creatures was breathtaking.
A less endearing but equally impressive Hammerhead shark suddenly appeared and with an almost imperious disdain for the two divers, swam past them as if they didn’t exist.
Bob teller signalled again and this time he was indicating he had seen something then pointed toward that direction. Kicking both flippers Johnny now saw what Bob was so excited about.
Roughly about a hundred feet away was a large overhanging coral reef and in all the years Johnny had been diving, he’d never quite seen anything like this.!!
In fact he could now see why the unidentified cruiser hadn’t been able to find the La Concepción. It was as though the huge overhanging reef was providing some sort of natural cover and if indeed Bob was correct, then this must be where the La Concepción had been hiding for over four hundred years.
As they both reached the overhang, Bob indicated to Johnny they check air supply and then arm both their spear guns. These weapons were taken just in case they encountered any unfriendly marine life. Particularly when entering enclosed areas such as where they were heading now. Everything checked and helmet lights switched on, the signal was given and the two divers then disappeared into the dark chasm that was beneath the overhanging reef.
*****
Anton Petroni slowly peeled back the sail sheet after hearing the splash, he silently indicated to his brother Danny to follow him.. Guns loaded and cocked, the two stowaways crept slowly forward toward the bridge of the Blue Orchid.
“There’s no one here.” Shrilled Danny.
“Go figure?” Answered his brother Anton, in a rather sarcastic manner it has to be said.
Anton was pissed, he’d barely slept after being stowed away in that hold like some fucking illegal Chink immigrant. Plus smelling breakfast being cooked nearly pushed the extremely already over the edge Anton to break cover and demand at gunpoint those two motherfuckers cook him breakfast and pronto.
After completing a quick reconnoitre of the boat the Petroni’s prioritised, they ransacked the Blue Orchid’s galley and duly proceeded to fill their stomachs with whatever they could get their hands on.
As soon as they’d finished dining Danny Petroni had an idea.
Anton just stared at his brother as if he were an alien. “Are you fucking for real?”
“What do you mean?” Shrilled Danny. “It’s a brilliant idea and you said yourself its what you’ve always wanted.”
“Not like this you fucking moron.” Snorted Anton.
“Why” retorted Danny. “Its perfect, we just pull the fucking anchor, start the engine and drive the motherfucker back to Lahaina.” Danny smiled and then said. “And get this, it ain’t stealin, there’s no one here, I think they call it “salvage.“
******
Shortly after reappearing onto the bridge in what can only be described akin to a Tasmanian Devil on acid. The skipper, captain Mallory ordered that Talia Kunoka be instantly sedated, for safety reasons more than anything else.
Immediately a huge Hawaiian stepped forward. Swiftly grabbing Talia by the hair with one hand, the big crewman popped Talia Square on the jaw with the other, instantly rendering poor Talia unconscious.
“Fuck me” Jano.” Said Mallory. “Was there any need for that? I said sedate him not punch his fucking lights out.”
The big man by the name of Jano shrugged his shoulders and said. “Sorry skip, but he was kinda getting all crazy on us, I figured it was for the best.”
Well.” Replied captain Mallory. “I think I’ll let Talia be the judge of that when he regains consciousness, check him, see if anything’s broken will you Jano.”
“No problem skip.” Said Jano.
As they both reached the overhang, Bob indicated to Johnny they check air supply and then arm both their spear guns. These weapons were taken just in case they encountered any unfriendly marine life. Particularly when entering enclosed areas such as where they were heading now. Everything checked and helmet lights switched on, the signal was given and the two divers then disappeared into the dark chasm that was beneath the overhanging reef.
*****
Anton Petroni slowly peeled back the sail sheet after hearing the splash, he silently indicated to his brother Danny to follow him.. Guns loaded and cocked, the two stowaways crept slowly forward toward the bridge of the Blue Orchid.
“There’s no one here.” Shrilled Danny.
“Go figure?” Answered his brother Anton, in a rather sarcastic manner it has to be said.
Anton was pissed, he’d barely slept after being stowed away in that hold like some fucking illegal Chink immigrant. Plus smelling breakfast being cooked nearly pushed the extremely already over the edge Anton to break cover and demand at gunpoint those two motherfuckers cook him breakfast and pronto.
After completing a quick reconnoitre of the boat the Petroni’s prioritised, they ransacked the Blue Orchid’s galley and duly proceeded to fill their stomachs with whatever they could get their hands on.
As soon as they’d finished dining Danny Petroni had an idea.
Anton just stared at his brother as if he were an alien. “Are you fucking for real?”
“What do you mean?” Shrilled Danny. “It’s a brilliant idea and you said yourself its what you’ve always wanted.”
“Not like this you fucking moron.” Snorted Anton.
“Why” retorted Danny. “Its perfect, we just pull the fucking anchor, start the engine and drive the motherfucker back to Lahaina.” Danny smiled and then said. “And get this, it ain’t stealin, there’s no one here, I think they call it “salvage.“
******
Shortly after reappearing onto the bridge in what can only be described akin to a Tasmanian Devil on acid. The skipper, captain Mallory ordered that Talia Kunoka be instantly sedated, for safety reasons more than anything else.
Immediately a huge Hawaiian stepped forward. Swiftly grabbing Talia by the hair with one hand, the big crewman popped Talia Square on the jaw with the other, instantly rendering poor Talia unconscious.
“Fuck me” Jano.” Said Mallory. “Was there any need for that? I said sedate him not punch his fucking lights out.”
The big man by the name of Jano shrugged his shoulders and said. “Sorry skip, but he was kinda getting all crazy on us, I figured it was for the best.”
Well.” Replied captain Mallory. “I think I’ll let Talia be the judge of that when he regains consciousness, check him, see if anything’s broken will you Jano.”
“No problem skip.” Said Jano.
The man with the gatepost arms then turned to Talia and
after squeezing the mans jaw a few times duly proceeded to slap his fellow crewman back to consciousness.
Mallory just rolled his eyes, looked at the heavens and then sighing, said. “This is what happens when you employ outriggers.”
Shortly after, a slightly woozy but now subdued Talia Kunoka told Captain Mallory everything he’d seen on the Keiko raft and a now stricken looking tug boat skipper listened, though he didn’t want to.
After dismissing Talia, Mallory thought long and hard about what he was going to do next. The right thing to do would be obviously alert the coast guard, who would in turn would alert the Mayor who would then consequently cancel the floating Keiko parade, thus robbing Mallory of his moment of glory.
Indeed Mallory had sworn Talia to secrecy and the other crew were extremely loyal to the tugboat skipper, so?
Mallory suddenly had a thought. No one wanted to cancel the biggest thing to ever happen to Lahaina. So, if the Mayor was somehow convinced that maybe the US coastguard should be involved in the Keiko parade then, having the protection of a cutter escort would fully ensure that “if” and it was an “if” there was, anything dangerous out there, then they had a safety net, which in this case was the US coast guard.
There were no more dramatic events that trip and three hours later Captain Mallory along with the rest of the Keiko organising committee were all snugly assembled in the mayor’s office.
The Mayor spoke up. “So,” he glanced at his Rolex. “We have approximately six hours before the start of the biggest single most important event on the island of Maui, not forgettin this just happens to be an election year and you’re.” He was pointing at Mallory now, “suggesting we enlist the help of the US coast guard, is that correct?”
Mallory nodded and all the other committee members stared at him. “Why?” Said the Mayor. “And don’t give me the red white and blue diagonal stripes would enhance the parade baloney, when you’ve been in politics as long as I have sir, the whiff of bullshit’s never very far away and I’m smellin it right now, no offence.”
Captain Mallory suddenly realised there wasn’t any other way but to spill the beans, even though that would mean kissing his ass goodbye to leading the Keiko parade. So Mallory spilled.
After hearing everything Mallory had told him, Mayor Greenberg paused long and hard. Then he decided to put it to a vote, Mallory was astounded, he was absolutely convinced the Mayor would have cancelled knowing there was a rogue great white on the loose.
After a showing of hands Mayor Greenberg decided to go with the majority, which was go ahead with the parade. Greenberg knew full well cancelling this parade would seriously damage his chances of entering into a 4th term in office and no fucking scrawny sonafabitch fish was going to deprive him of that, no sir!
*******
Slowly but surely Bob and Johnny both inched their way into the now steadily darkening chasm. Now that they were well under the overhang they didn’t have the aid of natural sunlight, so were now totally reliant on the helmet lights.
Bob grabbed Johnny’s arm and stabbed a finger at something in the distance. Johnny couldn’t see it initially, then all of a sudden he did.
Faint at first, but as the divers got nearer and nearer to the object that Bob had pointed at, Johnny now realised that he and his buddy Bob were probably the first two human beings in over four hundred years to actually glimpse sight of the ill fated La Concepción.
Bob indicated to Johnny that there was only ten minutes of air left, so they would have a quick look-see, then after swimming back to base, they’d return with new tanks and larger dive bags.
Following Bob, Johnny swam toward the barnacle encrusted wreck. These amazing creatures had attached themselves in such a way, that the whole superstructure of the La Concepción was still recognisable, it was as though over the centuries these tiny
crustaceans had acted like a living preservative.
There was a large gap in the forecastle and both Bob and Johnny swam over to it.
Peering through they shone their torches. Just as Johnny wondered what the two beady eyes looking at him were, Bob Teller shoved Johnny as hard as he could, as well as thrusting backwards at the same time.
Bob teller had just probably saved his buddy from a serious if not fatal injury!! The two beady eyes belonged to a giant MORAY EEL and this one was one of the biggest cocksuckers Bob had ever seen. In fact Bob figured at least ten feet and armed with a set of teeth second only to a shark.
Indeed if Johnny had been unfortunate enough to have been struck by the eel he would have suffered horrific injuries from the dozens of razor like teeth, as well the Moray’s ability to crush anything in its extremely powerful jaws.
after squeezing the mans jaw a few times duly proceeded to slap his fellow crewman back to consciousness.
Mallory just rolled his eyes, looked at the heavens and then sighing, said. “This is what happens when you employ outriggers.”
Shortly after, a slightly woozy but now subdued Talia Kunoka told Captain Mallory everything he’d seen on the Keiko raft and a now stricken looking tug boat skipper listened, though he didn’t want to.
After dismissing Talia, Mallory thought long and hard about what he was going to do next. The right thing to do would be obviously alert the coast guard, who would in turn would alert the Mayor who would then consequently cancel the floating Keiko parade, thus robbing Mallory of his moment of glory.
Indeed Mallory had sworn Talia to secrecy and the other crew were extremely loyal to the tugboat skipper, so?
Mallory suddenly had a thought. No one wanted to cancel the biggest thing to ever happen to Lahaina. So, if the Mayor was somehow convinced that maybe the US coastguard should be involved in the Keiko parade then, having the protection of a cutter escort would fully ensure that “if” and it was an “if” there was, anything dangerous out there, then they had a safety net, which in this case was the US coast guard.
There were no more dramatic events that trip and three hours later Captain Mallory along with the rest of the Keiko organising committee were all snugly assembled in the mayor’s office.
The Mayor spoke up. “So,” he glanced at his Rolex. “We have approximately six hours before the start of the biggest single most important event on the island of Maui, not forgettin this just happens to be an election year and you’re.” He was pointing at Mallory now, “suggesting we enlist the help of the US coast guard, is that correct?”
Mallory nodded and all the other committee members stared at him. “Why?” Said the Mayor. “And don’t give me the red white and blue diagonal stripes would enhance the parade baloney, when you’ve been in politics as long as I have sir, the whiff of bullshit’s never very far away and I’m smellin it right now, no offence.”
Captain Mallory suddenly realised there wasn’t any other way but to spill the beans, even though that would mean kissing his ass goodbye to leading the Keiko parade. So Mallory spilled.
After hearing everything Mallory had told him, Mayor Greenberg paused long and hard. Then he decided to put it to a vote, Mallory was astounded, he was absolutely convinced the Mayor would have cancelled knowing there was a rogue great white on the loose.
After a showing of hands Mayor Greenberg decided to go with the majority, which was go ahead with the parade. Greenberg knew full well cancelling this parade would seriously damage his chances of entering into a 4th term in office and no fucking scrawny sonafabitch fish was going to deprive him of that, no sir!
*******
Slowly but surely Bob and Johnny both inched their way into the now steadily darkening chasm. Now that they were well under the overhang they didn’t have the aid of natural sunlight, so were now totally reliant on the helmet lights.
Bob grabbed Johnny’s arm and stabbed a finger at something in the distance. Johnny couldn’t see it initially, then all of a sudden he did.
Faint at first, but as the divers got nearer and nearer to the object that Bob had pointed at, Johnny now realised that he and his buddy Bob were probably the first two human beings in over four hundred years to actually glimpse sight of the ill fated La Concepción.
Bob indicated to Johnny that there was only ten minutes of air left, so they would have a quick look-see, then after swimming back to base, they’d return with new tanks and larger dive bags.
Following Bob, Johnny swam toward the barnacle encrusted wreck. These amazing creatures had attached themselves in such a way, that the whole superstructure of the La Concepción was still recognisable, it was as though over the centuries these tiny
crustaceans had acted like a living preservative.
There was a large gap in the forecastle and both Bob and Johnny swam over to it.
Peering through they shone their torches. Just as Johnny wondered what the two beady eyes looking at him were, Bob Teller shoved Johnny as hard as he could, as well as thrusting backwards at the same time.
Bob teller had just probably saved his buddy from a serious if not fatal injury!! The two beady eyes belonged to a giant MORAY EEL and this one was one of the biggest cocksuckers Bob had ever seen. In fact Bob figured at least ten feet and armed with a set of teeth second only to a shark.
Indeed if Johnny had been unfortunate enough to have been struck by the eel he would have suffered horrific injuries from the dozens of razor like teeth, as well the Moray’s ability to crush anything in its extremely powerful jaws.
Bob decided they better head back to the Blue Orchid, change tanks and acquire new and larger dive bags, a still shaken Johnny willingly agreed.
*******
Anton Petroni paused for a moment, almost as if he was in reflection. Then turning to his brother he said. “I always figured you were a fucking put’z and now I know for sure.”
Danny wore a sort of hurtful expression, however it wasn’t long before that turned to vengeful hatred.
Because Danny was the smaller of the two siblings, Anton had always used his size to bully and intimidate his much smaller brother, which is what he was doing now. However, sooner or later there would come a time when this particular fucking worm turned.
Anton carried on with the lecture. “Why should we steal the fucking boat when there could be a shitload a gold down there, why don’t’ “we” just let those two fuckers gather it all up like good little boy scouts and then.”
At that point Anton pulled the large silver Glock out of his pants and pressed the tip of the barrel smack bang in the middle of his brothers forehead. “Shoot the motherfuckers and “then” steal the boat, so not only do we have a new boat, we also happen to be filthy fuckin stinkin rich.”
Danny nervously smiled, then crossing his eyes said. “Hey,what’s with the fucking gun bro?”
Anton suddenly perked up, “hear that?”
“Hear what?” Replied Danny, still rubbing his forehead, he could actually feel a round mark where the Glock barrel had pressed into his forehead.
As the two brothers crept stealthily out of the bridge, sure enough in the distance, they saw a motorboat speeding directly toward them.
*******
Anton Petroni paused for a moment, almost as if he was in reflection. Then turning to his brother he said. “I always figured you were a fucking put’z and now I know for sure.”
Danny wore a sort of hurtful expression, however it wasn’t long before that turned to vengeful hatred.
Because Danny was the smaller of the two siblings, Anton had always used his size to bully and intimidate his much smaller brother, which is what he was doing now. However, sooner or later there would come a time when this particular fucking worm turned.
Anton carried on with the lecture. “Why should we steal the fucking boat when there could be a shitload a gold down there, why don’t’ “we” just let those two fuckers gather it all up like good little boy scouts and then.”
At that point Anton pulled the large silver Glock out of his pants and pressed the tip of the barrel smack bang in the middle of his brothers forehead. “Shoot the motherfuckers and “then” steal the boat, so not only do we have a new boat, we also happen to be filthy fuckin stinkin rich.”
Danny nervously smiled, then crossing his eyes said. “Hey,what’s with the fucking gun bro?”
Anton suddenly perked up, “hear that?”
“Hear what?” Replied Danny, still rubbing his forehead, he could actually feel a round mark where the Glock barrel had pressed into his forehead.
As the two brothers crept stealthily out of the bridge, sure enough in the distance, they saw a motorboat speeding directly toward them.
“Quick hide.” Urged Anton. “It looks like we’ve got company, well it don’t matter any, whoever it is’ll go the same way those fuckers in the water will anyways.”
A long sleek motor cruiser pulled alongside and a woman’s voice shouted. “Ahoy cocksuckers.“
Soon after saying goodbye to whoever it was that had brought her out here, a tall striking looking blond stepped aboard the Blue Orchid.
Quickly looking around the tall blond shouted again. “Hey Johnny its me Laverne and before you go wettin those pretty toes a yours I think there’s something you should know!”
*****
As Johnny and Bob headed back toward the Blue Orchid, it was Johnny that first noticed they had visitors.
Pointing upwards both divers now saw the sleek beam of another vessel and judging by the speed it was heading away from the Orchid, it was most likely a speedboat.
Using signals and stealth long tried and trusted in the Navy, both Bob and Johnny split up, Johnny to come up on the port side and Bob on the starboard.
Laverne noticed immediately that both guys were on a dive, but what concerned her more was the state of the galley.
She’d known Johnny Damon for the best part of five years and for most of it lived on the Blue Orchid, well, when it suited Laverne, very independent lady was Laverne Blossom Levinski.
Laverne smelled a rat; something wasn’t right here and just as she looked for something to use as a potential weapon, a voice with a distinct Brooklyn accent said. “Freeze Bitch!!”
Anton and Danny Petroni slowly walked around the port side of the wheelhouse. Laverne noticed instantly both dudes were packin and then suddenly recognising the two men, placed both her hands on hips and said. “Well if ain’t Dastardly and fucking Muttley.”
Laverne carried on with the insults seemingly oblivious of the danger she was in. “So how did you two fuckin creepazoids get here?
No, don’t answer that one I already know, you were scooped up off the mainland by a giant dragon then on realising it had picked up two sacks of fuckin monkey puss, let go and fortunately for you whereas unfortunately for us, dropped said two sacks of puss onto this beautiful boat, how am I doing so far?”
Anton’s eyes were now filled with a rancorous hatred for this woman, indeed this wasn’t the first time Anton had crossed paths with this she bitch from hell.
“You got a real smart mouth sister.” Interjected Danny and in that shrill high tone voice of his.
“Sister?” Scoffed Laverne. “Who the fuck says sister in this day and age? What a couple a fuck ups.”
“Ok, knock it off.” Said Anton, who was only a foot away from Laverne now. Cocking the Glock, Anton smiled an evil smile and Laverne suddenly seemed to have lost all that spunk she’d shown before.
“Any last words you fucking hoe?” Leered Anton, then suddenly he appeared to have had a change of heart and smiled that horrible smile again.
Slowly with one hand still pointing the Glock at Laverne’s face, he slowly unzipped his pants. Danny just watched, licking his lips in anticipation, he was hoping Anton would be in a good mood and share.
Placing the barrel of the Glock on top of Laverne’s left shoulder he said. “Kneel bitch.” Laverne was scared now, she knew unless Johnny showed and real soon, not only was she going to get a bullet in the head but also the added indignity of having to give this prick a hummer, ughhh.
Just as Anton carefully placed the Glock barrel round the back of Laverne’s blond head, in a pushing motion toward his now highly excited member, there came a strange whooshing sound!!
Laverne glanced up and she saw a horrible sight.
A long sleek motor cruiser pulled alongside and a woman’s voice shouted. “Ahoy cocksuckers.“
Soon after saying goodbye to whoever it was that had brought her out here, a tall striking looking blond stepped aboard the Blue Orchid.
Quickly looking around the tall blond shouted again. “Hey Johnny its me Laverne and before you go wettin those pretty toes a yours I think there’s something you should know!”
*****
As Johnny and Bob headed back toward the Blue Orchid, it was Johnny that first noticed they had visitors.
Pointing upwards both divers now saw the sleek beam of another vessel and judging by the speed it was heading away from the Orchid, it was most likely a speedboat.
Using signals and stealth long tried and trusted in the Navy, both Bob and Johnny split up, Johnny to come up on the port side and Bob on the starboard.
Laverne noticed immediately that both guys were on a dive, but what concerned her more was the state of the galley.
She’d known Johnny Damon for the best part of five years and for most of it lived on the Blue Orchid, well, when it suited Laverne, very independent lady was Laverne Blossom Levinski.
Laverne smelled a rat; something wasn’t right here and just as she looked for something to use as a potential weapon, a voice with a distinct Brooklyn accent said. “Freeze Bitch!!”
Anton and Danny Petroni slowly walked around the port side of the wheelhouse. Laverne noticed instantly both dudes were packin and then suddenly recognising the two men, placed both her hands on hips and said. “Well if ain’t Dastardly and fucking Muttley.”
Laverne carried on with the insults seemingly oblivious of the danger she was in. “So how did you two fuckin creepazoids get here?
No, don’t answer that one I already know, you were scooped up off the mainland by a giant dragon then on realising it had picked up two sacks of fuckin monkey puss, let go and fortunately for you whereas unfortunately for us, dropped said two sacks of puss onto this beautiful boat, how am I doing so far?”
Anton’s eyes were now filled with a rancorous hatred for this woman, indeed this wasn’t the first time Anton had crossed paths with this she bitch from hell.
“You got a real smart mouth sister.” Interjected Danny and in that shrill high tone voice of his.
“Sister?” Scoffed Laverne. “Who the fuck says sister in this day and age? What a couple a fuck ups.”
“Ok, knock it off.” Said Anton, who was only a foot away from Laverne now. Cocking the Glock, Anton smiled an evil smile and Laverne suddenly seemed to have lost all that spunk she’d shown before.
“Any last words you fucking hoe?” Leered Anton, then suddenly he appeared to have had a change of heart and smiled that horrible smile again.
Slowly with one hand still pointing the Glock at Laverne’s face, he slowly unzipped his pants. Danny just watched, licking his lips in anticipation, he was hoping Anton would be in a good mood and share.
Placing the barrel of the Glock on top of Laverne’s left shoulder he said. “Kneel bitch.” Laverne was scared now, she knew unless Johnny showed and real soon, not only was she going to get a bullet in the head but also the added indignity of having to give this prick a hummer, ughhh.
Just as Anton carefully placed the Glock barrel round the back of Laverne’s blond head, in a pushing motion toward his now highly excited member, there came a strange whooshing sound!!
Laverne glanced up and she saw a horrible sight.
Anton was wearing that, where in the fuck did that come from look.!
Dropping the Glock, Anton then keeled over and even though he died instantly, even in death he still had a stunned expression on his face.
Danny Petroni had suffered the same fate; though Danny didn’t have that Holy Fuck look on his face he still looked a bizarre sight.
As soon as Johnny and Bob had realised they’d got company, using all their seal training, they had managed to quickly assess the situation and given the seriousness and imminent danger Laverne was in, well, there was simply no other course.
Bob Teller walked over to where both men now lay, holding the used spear gun he said. “Well we now know these baby’s work.”
Both Anton and Danny Petroni had died instantly and both men had stopped, with their throats, a four-foot high tensile steel spear fired at 250ft per second.
Both men probably didn’t even feel a thing.
Danny Petroni had suffered the same fate; though Danny didn’t have that Holy Fuck look on his face he still looked a bizarre sight.
As soon as Johnny and Bob had realised they’d got company, using all their seal training, they had managed to quickly assess the situation and given the seriousness and imminent danger Laverne was in, well, there was simply no other course.
Bob Teller walked over to where both men now lay, holding the used spear gun he said. “Well we now know these baby’s work.”
Both Anton and Danny Petroni had died instantly and both men had stopped, with their throats, a four-foot high tensile steel spear fired at 250ft per second.
Both men probably didn’t even feel a thing.
“Holy fuck.” Cried Laverne and spitting at Anton she aimed a vicious kick. “well if you live by the sword you die by the sword motherfucker.”
As soon as everyone had gotten over the shock and realisation of what had happened, Johnny asked what in the fuck was Laverne doing on the Blue Orchid and more to the point how did she know where they were?
Laverne insisted she wasn’t answering any questions until Cheech and Chong had been bagged up or thrown over the side, she didn’t care which.
“Geeez Laverne you’re all fuckin heart, you know that don’t ya?” Said a sarcastic Bob Teller.
Laverne waited until the offending corpses had been removed and then proceeded to enlighten both men on how she’d managed to track down the Blue Orchid.
“You did fuckin what?“ Cried Johnny and jumped up immediately looking under the sail sheets and other various items near to where the trio were now seated.
“Where in the fuck is it, I mean it Laverne?”
“Fuck me girl you’re a real piece a fuckin work.” Added an incredulous Bob Teller.
“Of all the Goddamned things to do. Said Johnny.
“But it was the only way to keep track of you.” Smiled Laverne and then she batted her eyes and added. “You know I love you.”
Johnny just stared incredulously at the tall blond woman in front of him and then said. “Taking me for a hundred bucks is one thing Laverne, but planting a fucking bug on my boat, well, you just crossed the goddamned line girl is all.”
After calming down Johnny sat back down and shaking his head in disbelief continued to hear Laverne’s tale.
“Well. Said Laverne. “I knew you were up to something and I know the bartender at Ricky’s knows everything, so lets just say getting the necessary information out of “him” wasn’t a problem.” She smiled when she said that and both men only had to use their imaginations.
“That the guy that dropped you off?” Said Johnny?
“Sure was,” replied Laverne.
“So he knows what’s going on here?” Said a now concerned Bob Teller.
“Don’t worry, “Donny promised me, though that was on the stroke of midnight” smiled a mischievous looking Laverne.
“Whoa, too much information there sweetheart.” Uttered Johnny.
“He’ll keep his mouth shut, especially when I told him what I was going to do to him, that’s if he promised to be a good little boy.
But” Said Laverne. “Because you’re gonna be going back down there” and she pointed over the side of the Ketch, “I think there’s something you oughta know.”
It was then Laverne relayed in all its gory details the recent events at Kahului harbour involving Joe Trappatoni.
Both men stared at each other, they hadn’t figured on this and if what Laverne said was true and there was a rogue white on the loose, then this operation would be fraught with even more danger than they first thought.
An hour later and with the two Petroni’s safely stored in the hold, indeed both Johnny and Bob had agreed that both cadavers weren’t going over the side just yet, especially if Mr great white was lurking out there somewhere.
Laverne now in charge of things top side, Bob and Johnny back flipped back into the drink and again made the short trip toward the overhanging reef.
This time Bob, using the spear gun probed and prodded inside the gap in the forecastle of the La Concepcion. Satisfied there wasn’t anything dangerous lurking inside, both divers ventured into the four hundred year old treasure ship for the very first time.
Using the old seal tactic, inching forward back to back, both Bob and Johnny shone torches onto the inside of the sunken treasure ship.
30 minutes had elapsed and just when this seemed like a fruitless escapade, both men froze!
Laverne had positioned herself on top of the Blue Orchid’s bridge, so had a clear 360º view of everything around her, even more so with all the sails furled.
After putting out yet another Marlboro, Laverne picked up a pair of US Navy issue field glasses, turning full circle she scanned the swelling ocean.
Just as she was about to put the glasses down she spotted something, screamed and dropped the glasses overboard.
Laverne wasn’t a religious person, however she now made the sign of the cross and if Bob Teller and Johnny Damon were owed any luck, then they just better call the fucker in right now because they had company, bad fuckin company!
Both Bob and Johnny just stared in disbelief, directly in front of the two treasure seekers was what looked like a trail of coins, “Gold coins!!”
Both men glanced at each other and yet again, even through a face mask, Johnny could have sworn his best buddy’s eyes were glittering.
The two of them warily swam over to where the trail of coins were, all the time watching for any sudden movement. The fact that humans were top of the food chain obviously hadn’t yet reached the inhabitants of the La Concepción.
Bob reached down and gently picked up a coin, as did Johnny. Bob couldn’t believe it, he’d done quite a bit of studying on the subject of shipwrecks and the booty that some of these ships held and the coin he was now holding was one of the rarest and most valued coins known to man, it was an Atocha coin…Montezuma’s Gold.
And as Bob Teller’s gaze followed the trail of coins to another opening, it looked indeed he’d at long last realised every divers dream and struck the fucking motherload.
Soon after, they cautiously entered the opening to what looked like a hold and sure enough, there in front of them were at least a dozen huge chests and Bob Teller would bet the hairs on his ass every last motherfucking one of em was filled to the brim with those little gold baby’s.
Even Johnny now had to admit, that if he were to look into a mirror its highly likely that “his” eyes would now have that same shimmering sparkle that one only has when smitten with gold fever.
Filling the leather dive bags with as much treasure as they possibly could, both Bob and Johnny made their way back to the Blue Orchid.
All the time totally oblivious to the presence one of nature’s most feared and it has to be said, misunderstood animals. Which is of course, Carcharodon Carchrias or better known as, “WHITE DEATH!!”
Laverne was terrified; it was one thing standing up to no good punks, like the two Petroni’s, but this, well, this was something completely fucking different.
And even though Laverne had already been acquainted with Mr Shark, she still hadn’t realised how fucking big this thing was and Laverne had to admit, she was now scared shitless.
Then Laverne discovered that little thing most human beings all have, but only ever use in extreme circumstances. Guts.
Laverne having suddenly found her’s, kicked into survival mode.
Grabbing a hold of the unfortunate recently deceased siblings, Laverne somehow managed to haul them both out of the hold and onto the aft deck.
Grimacing, she proceeded to strip them out of their clothing and as distasteful as this was. If the plan worked and she avoided being the latest item on Mr sharks menu, then, well a girl had to do what a girl had to do.
Hand over her forehead and just using the naked eye, thanks to letting the fucking bino’s fall overboard, Laverne waited for the tell-tale air bubbles that would obviously signify that both Johnny and Bob had arrived safely to the surface.
Mr shark meanwhile and much to Laverne’s consternation, had disappeared out of sight and Laverne had a horrible feeling that both Johnny and Bob were now themselves getting acquainted.
All of a sudden she spotted some activity and sure enough there, off the Orchid’s port side were two dark suited figures bobbing around on the surface roughly twenty feet away.
Laverne jumped up quickly and screaming as loud as she could, told them both they better haul ass if they didn’t wanna get fuckin eaten.
Then Laverne spotted the tell-tale dorsal fin!!
Dipping down under the surface and moving extremely fast, a huge monstrous shape arrowed toward the bag carrying divers.
Screaming even louder now and jumping up and down like a lunatic, she’d almost forgotten about the plan.
Bob and Johnny had seen the dorsal fin and they both knew unless they hauled ass now, it was certain death.
Now only ten feet away from the Orchid, the laws of probability stated that given the distance the two men were away from the boat, didn’t equate against the speed of attack from one of the most lethal killing machines on the planet and at this point it really did look like game over for both Bob Teller and Johnny Damon!
*Splash*
As soon as everyone had gotten over the shock and realisation of what had happened, Johnny asked what in the fuck was Laverne doing on the Blue Orchid and more to the point how did she know where they were?
Laverne insisted she wasn’t answering any questions until Cheech and Chong had been bagged up or thrown over the side, she didn’t care which.
“Geeez Laverne you’re all fuckin heart, you know that don’t ya?” Said a sarcastic Bob Teller.
Laverne waited until the offending corpses had been removed and then proceeded to enlighten both men on how she’d managed to track down the Blue Orchid.
“You did fuckin what?“ Cried Johnny and jumped up immediately looking under the sail sheets and other various items near to where the trio were now seated.
“Where in the fuck is it, I mean it Laverne?”
“Fuck me girl you’re a real piece a fuckin work.” Added an incredulous Bob Teller.
“Of all the Goddamned things to do. Said Johnny.
“But it was the only way to keep track of you.” Smiled Laverne and then she batted her eyes and added. “You know I love you.”
Johnny just stared incredulously at the tall blond woman in front of him and then said. “Taking me for a hundred bucks is one thing Laverne, but planting a fucking bug on my boat, well, you just crossed the goddamned line girl is all.”
After calming down Johnny sat back down and shaking his head in disbelief continued to hear Laverne’s tale.
“Well. Said Laverne. “I knew you were up to something and I know the bartender at Ricky’s knows everything, so lets just say getting the necessary information out of “him” wasn’t a problem.” She smiled when she said that and both men only had to use their imaginations.
“That the guy that dropped you off?” Said Johnny?
“Sure was,” replied Laverne.
“So he knows what’s going on here?” Said a now concerned Bob Teller.
“Don’t worry, “Donny promised me, though that was on the stroke of midnight” smiled a mischievous looking Laverne.
“Whoa, too much information there sweetheart.” Uttered Johnny.
“He’ll keep his mouth shut, especially when I told him what I was going to do to him, that’s if he promised to be a good little boy.
But” Said Laverne. “Because you’re gonna be going back down there” and she pointed over the side of the Ketch, “I think there’s something you oughta know.”
It was then Laverne relayed in all its gory details the recent events at Kahului harbour involving Joe Trappatoni.
Both men stared at each other, they hadn’t figured on this and if what Laverne said was true and there was a rogue white on the loose, then this operation would be fraught with even more danger than they first thought.
An hour later and with the two Petroni’s safely stored in the hold, indeed both Johnny and Bob had agreed that both cadavers weren’t going over the side just yet, especially if Mr great white was lurking out there somewhere.
Laverne now in charge of things top side, Bob and Johnny back flipped back into the drink and again made the short trip toward the overhanging reef.
This time Bob, using the spear gun probed and prodded inside the gap in the forecastle of the La Concepcion. Satisfied there wasn’t anything dangerous lurking inside, both divers ventured into the four hundred year old treasure ship for the very first time.
Using the old seal tactic, inching forward back to back, both Bob and Johnny shone torches onto the inside of the sunken treasure ship.
30 minutes had elapsed and just when this seemed like a fruitless escapade, both men froze!
Laverne had positioned herself on top of the Blue Orchid’s bridge, so had a clear 360º view of everything around her, even more so with all the sails furled.
After putting out yet another Marlboro, Laverne picked up a pair of US Navy issue field glasses, turning full circle she scanned the swelling ocean.
Just as she was about to put the glasses down she spotted something, screamed and dropped the glasses overboard.
Laverne wasn’t a religious person, however she now made the sign of the cross and if Bob Teller and Johnny Damon were owed any luck, then they just better call the fucker in right now because they had company, bad fuckin company!
Both Bob and Johnny just stared in disbelief, directly in front of the two treasure seekers was what looked like a trail of coins, “Gold coins!!”
Both men glanced at each other and yet again, even through a face mask, Johnny could have sworn his best buddy’s eyes were glittering.
The two of them warily swam over to where the trail of coins were, all the time watching for any sudden movement. The fact that humans were top of the food chain obviously hadn’t yet reached the inhabitants of the La Concepción.
Bob reached down and gently picked up a coin, as did Johnny. Bob couldn’t believe it, he’d done quite a bit of studying on the subject of shipwrecks and the booty that some of these ships held and the coin he was now holding was one of the rarest and most valued coins known to man, it was an Atocha coin…Montezuma’s Gold.
And as Bob Teller’s gaze followed the trail of coins to another opening, it looked indeed he’d at long last realised every divers dream and struck the fucking motherload.
Soon after, they cautiously entered the opening to what looked like a hold and sure enough, there in front of them were at least a dozen huge chests and Bob Teller would bet the hairs on his ass every last motherfucking one of em was filled to the brim with those little gold baby’s.
Even Johnny now had to admit, that if he were to look into a mirror its highly likely that “his” eyes would now have that same shimmering sparkle that one only has when smitten with gold fever.
Filling the leather dive bags with as much treasure as they possibly could, both Bob and Johnny made their way back to the Blue Orchid.
All the time totally oblivious to the presence one of nature’s most feared and it has to be said, misunderstood animals. Which is of course, Carcharodon Carchrias or better known as, “WHITE DEATH!!”
Laverne was terrified; it was one thing standing up to no good punks, like the two Petroni’s, but this, well, this was something completely fucking different.
And even though Laverne had already been acquainted with Mr Shark, she still hadn’t realised how fucking big this thing was and Laverne had to admit, she was now scared shitless.
Then Laverne discovered that little thing most human beings all have, but only ever use in extreme circumstances. Guts.
Laverne having suddenly found her’s, kicked into survival mode.
Grabbing a hold of the unfortunate recently deceased siblings, Laverne somehow managed to haul them both out of the hold and onto the aft deck.
Grimacing, she proceeded to strip them out of their clothing and as distasteful as this was. If the plan worked and she avoided being the latest item on Mr sharks menu, then, well a girl had to do what a girl had to do.
Hand over her forehead and just using the naked eye, thanks to letting the fucking bino’s fall overboard, Laverne waited for the tell-tale air bubbles that would obviously signify that both Johnny and Bob had arrived safely to the surface.
Mr shark meanwhile and much to Laverne’s consternation, had disappeared out of sight and Laverne had a horrible feeling that both Johnny and Bob were now themselves getting acquainted.
All of a sudden she spotted some activity and sure enough there, off the Orchid’s port side were two dark suited figures bobbing around on the surface roughly twenty feet away.
Laverne jumped up quickly and screaming as loud as she could, told them both they better haul ass if they didn’t wanna get fuckin eaten.
Then Laverne spotted the tell-tale dorsal fin!!
Dipping down under the surface and moving extremely fast, a huge monstrous shape arrowed toward the bag carrying divers.
Screaming even louder now and jumping up and down like a lunatic, she’d almost forgotten about the plan.
Bob and Johnny had seen the dorsal fin and they both knew unless they hauled ass now, it was certain death.
Now only ten feet away from the Orchid, the laws of probability stated that given the distance the two men were away from the boat, didn’t equate against the speed of attack from one of the most lethal killing machines on the planet and at this point it really did look like game over for both Bob Teller and Johnny Damon!
*Splash*
The huge shark’s sonar, told its owner something else was in the water and swiftly diverting off into that direction, gave both Johnny and Bob a stay of execution and as a result, both men were now even with lady luck.
As soon as both divers had scrambled aboard, the military training took over, courtesy of the US Navy.
Johnny barked orders. “Laverne, start the fucking engine and set a course for Lahaina, Bob, main mast full sail, I’ll deal with the mizzen and anchor.”
As the terrified trio set about their frenzied duties, they never once stopped nervously glancing at the water immediately surrounding them.
Stood now on the prow of the Blue Orchid, Johnny Damon, flare pistol in one hand spear gun in the other, scanned the ocean in front of him.
As was Bob Teller on the stern, Laverne was on the bridge and doing a fine job of steering the Orchid home.
Slowly Bob Teller walked down the boat and toward Johnny on the bow, “seen anything?” Asked Bob?
“No, not a fucking thing,” replied Johnny. “I’ll tell you something though.” Continued Johnny. “We were fucking lucky back there and if it wasn’t for good old Laverne, we’d be shark shit right now.”
Bob grimmacingly agreed. “She’s a piece a work Johnny, a real calamity fuckin Jane.”
For the first time Johnny smiled, even though Johnny had known Laverne for over five years now, he had to admit in all that time there had never once been a dull fuckin moment.
A voice from the bridge shouted. “Port side you dozy fuckers.“
Both men rushed over to the port side of the Orchid. “Holy fucking Christ,“ shouted Johnny.
“Sweet Jesus,” whispered Bob.
There, swimming exactly parallel with the Blue Orchid, was the biggest shark either man had ever seen and even more terrifying was the fact it was only a few feet away from the side of the boat.
“Will you get a fuckin load a that,” said Bob Teller. “He’s a fuckin monster, in fact, what’s the Orchid’s beam Johnny?”
“50ft end to end,” replied an equally mesmerised Johnny Damon.
“Well.” Said Bob. “I’d say we have us a 50ft fuckin shark and by my reckoning that’s a gotta be a record.”
“Why’s it not doing anything?” Said Laverne, who after setting the autopilot had now joined both Bob and Johnny on the Port side.
Both guys shrugged their shoulders; it was as though the shark was waiting for something, but what?
“Get on the horn.” Said Bob. “We need to let the US coast guard know about this fucker, can you imagine the fuckin carnage that cocksucker would cause if let loose near the beaches?”
“Maybe it already has.” Said Laverne and she reminded them both about the Joe Trappatoni incident.
“Well there’s one good thing in all this.” Said Johnny. “At least there’s now no incriminating evidence left.” Both Laverne and Bob agreed, though never once taking their eyes off the 50ft long, sleek killing machine that was gently swimming along side, just as if it were a harmless Dolphin.
Then just as suddenly as it had appeared, the huge shark disappeared!!
“Where do you think it’s gone?” Asked a nervous Laverne, looking down at the deck as she did so?
Both Bob and Johnny patrolled the length and breast of the Orchid, however there still wasn’t any sign of Mr shark.
After alerting the coast guard, the Blue Orchid eventually managed to get back into Lahaina without any further excitement.
Then a grateful trio, after tying up and filling out a short report to the harbour master, leaving out of course a few certain details, at long last turned their attentions to the almost forgotten realisation that all three of them were now extremely very, very fucking rich!
*******
“What in the fuck!!” It was 4pm and the sun was about to say so long after yet another beautiful day in paradise.
Mayor Greenberg wasn’t impressed and you could tell, after receiving an urgent phone call from one of the Keiko committee he now saw for himself what all the fuss was about.
There, directly in front of the Mayor were about fifty or so locals dressed in some kind of traditional garb and they were all singing or chanting, the Mayor wasn’t sure which.
He turned around to an aid and said. “Will someone tell me what in the fuck is going on here and why these, these.”
And the Mayor pointed exasperatedly at the chanting locals. “Fuckin nut jobs are on my raft?”
It was then that one of the Mayor’s aids informed him of a certain section of the local community who believed and were convinced that the legend of KAUHUHU was true and the word had already gotten round of various sightings of the fearsome beast.
The mayor wasn‘t impressed, he was from Queens and the only legends he knew of were Michael Jordan and Joe Torre.
Finger now pointing at the aid, Mayor Greenberg said. “You tell them sorry assed sons a bitches to get the hell off my raft, that’s if they don’t wanna spend Halloween in a fuckin jail cell.”
At this stage Mayor Greenberg, according to the opinion polls was 99% sure of a fourth term in office and that secured, the smiling diplomatic posing with baby’s and animals had gone out the window and as such he could now pretty much say what the hell he liked and he did.
In the last two hours all Mayor Greenberg had heard, was rumours about that fuckin Fish. One was some local whore down in Kahului who had said she’d seen some guy inside a sharks mouth.
“Horse shit.” Spat Greenberg. She was probably one of the local crack heads. In fact and Greenberg had a quick chuckle, the crazy bitch probably had a conversation with the fuckin thing and then there was that fuckin oh so superior than thou Admiral at the coast guard, what the fuck was “he” on?
Indeed, Mayor Greenberg could understand “the natives” getting all worked up over some superstitious hocus pocus horseshit, but Geeez not a fuckin Admiral of the coast guard.
The Mayor prepared to get ready for the parade, which was going ahead regardless of all that crap about a fuckin fish.
And after the parade, he was going to a party where he would grab himself a hooker, snort some Columbian nose candy and then get fuckin laid.
Greenberg paused and looked at himself in a mirror then said to no one in particular. “Yes indeedy, it sure was fun being Mayor of Maui county.
*******
US coastguard cutter Intrepid, Puunoa, Maui.
“Admiral on the bridge.” After a round of salutes, Admiral Staniforth entered onto the bridge of the Intrepid.
The intrepid was officially a special guest of honour, unofficially she was baby sitting.
Rumours were now at fever pitch and the shark sightings were coming into the coastguard control headquarters in Honolulu every few minutes.
Captain Jameson turned to his boss and said “do you really think there’s any truth in these rumours sir?”
The Admiral replied. “I really don’t know Jameson; the locals seem to think so.”
As both Admiral and skipper of the Intrepid looked out of the bridge and onto the promenade at Puunoa, they weren’t quite sure whether the crowds assembled were there to watch a Halloween parade or spot a great white.
A dozen werewolves, a gaggle of broomstick carrying witches, followed by a posse of Dracula’s all passed Talia Kunoka along the walkway leading to the Keiko raft.
Once all one hundred or so kids were safely aboard, the skip would give the order and after casting off, they would then start the short journey down the coast to Lahaina and the Banyan tree Park.
Talia was feeling a little better now, the talk with Captain Mallory had helped, the six grams of recently purchased Cocaine helped even more. However Talia suddenly, after seeing a kid dressed as a shark and with the added help of the cocaine of course, regressed back to the paranoid state of mind he’d been in when involved in that near miss with death.
*******
Mallory Kanato checked everything was ready and then waited for his one hundred young guests.
Mallory wasn’t sure he why he felt like he did, he’d been waiting so long for something like this. And leading any parade for that matter was a fantastic honour and leading the Keiko parade and in his home island of Maui was just so very very special, especially to a natural born Hawaiian.
But something about the KAUHUHU rumour was bothering him and even though he hadn’t actually seen the shark, Mallory knew in his water that somewhere, out there, was trouble and if Captain Mallory Kanato didn’t know any better, he could sense a shit storm brewing and that wasn’t good, no sir that wasn’t good at all.
A loud hooter sounded, followed by a huge roar from the crowd and the 1st inaugural floating Keiko parade got underway and departed slowly south. Along with the Intrepid, the parade was shadowed by smaller vessels carrying Medics, Divers and the Mayors entourage. The Mayor himself was aboard the Keiko raft along with the kids.
Staniforth turned to the skipper of the Intrepid and said. “Guns primed?”
“Affirmative sir, both the 76mm cannon and the MK 38s, I only hope we don’t have to use em, Holy Christ I don’t.”
The Admiral concurred, however he had a feeling in his gut and it wasn’t telling him anything he already didn’t know.
******
Whilst all the frivolity was going on to the north of Lahaina, a fifty foot ketch slipped its moorings and headed out to a strategic position just outside of Lahaina Harbour.
Johnny Damon, Bob Teller and Laverne Blossom Levinski were in party mood and even though the near miss with Mr shark was still only a few hours ago, three evenly piled stacks of Gold Atocha coins tended to act as a potent form of amnesia, plus all three of them were getting hammered.
Glasses chinking together, all three newly paid up members of the Millionaires club made a toast. “Here’s to happy days, said Johnny. *clink.*
Here’s to not having to get up for work again.” Said Bob. *clink*
“And here’s to not giving any more fuckin blow jobs to lowlife mother. *clink*”
Laverne didn’t get chance to finish, the boys “knew” what she meant.
After dropping anchor the Blue Orchid along with quite a few other boats sat bobbing along on the quiet swell, the stars were out and there was a gentle breeze blowing.. Over in the distance, brightly coloured fireworks boomed out over the exceedingly picturesque Lahaina bay, indeed a great place to be at the right time of year, or was it?
250 ft to the starboard of the Blue Orchid a huge dorsal fin appeared and after completing one circuit around the 50ft ketch, suddenly turned and headed swiftly off in another direction, Lahaina Harbour!
*****
Lahaina Harbour.
A seventy foot motor cruiser pulsated with what can only be described as gangsta rap and the speaker systems on the PIMP MY ASS would indeed rival any night club anywhere in the world.
Because this particular yacht was the property of one of America’s biggest rap stars (Tush Pop Daddy) the tunes were loud, the girls beautiful and of course, there was the inevitable all you can snort buffet.
Tush Pop Daddy was a huge man, 6.5 and at least four hundred pounds and that wasn’t including the added weight of the gold chains that were freely adorned all over his huge frame.
The big rapper stepped out onto the deck to get some air, even for him the weed they were all smoking back there would put a rhino to sleep.
Lighting a massive spliff, Tush Pop gazed over at the scene in front of him and smiled. He’d done very well for himself had Tush, rehabilitation was a wonderful thing and that 6 stretch
in the Florida state pen had been pivotal to a change in direction for Tush. Especially after befriending a fag cell mate who just happened to be the son of a famous record producer, the rest was history.
Just then something caught the big mans eye, Tush couldn’t believe it, there it was again.
Spotting the huge dorsal fin, Tush excitedly made his way down to a metal gantry that was attached to the side of The Pimp My Ass. This contraption was used to dispatch dinghy’s or outboards when there wasn’t any harbour facilities.
“Hey looky here we got us a dolphin,” gleefully cried Tush and just as Tush clambered down onto the metal frame and was about to reach over to touch one of these amazing marine creatures, an enormous maw complete with teeth that you’d usually associate with a T Rex and with a horrible metallic clanging sound clamped onto the steel gantry.
Tush screamed. “You ain’t no motherfucking Dolphin!” Tush immediately endeavoured to ascend quickly back toward the deck. However, being as big and as cumbersome as he was, he just wasn’t fast enough and with a terrifying grinding screeching sound, the giant jaws ripped the entire frame away from The Pimp My Ass.
By this time other party goers had arrived on deck and now were all pointing at the incredible sight in front of them. “Fuck me.” Cried one of the crowd. “Its Tush Pop and he’s on a fuckin metal raft and there’s a giant motherfucking shark in there with him, fuck me that’s some jiving motherfucking party trick man.”
The guests aboard the Pimp my Ass really did believe that being ever the showman, Tush Pop had rigged some elaborate stunt up and was now performing said stunt.
However Tush Pop knew it wasn’t a stunt and he now knew that this motherfucker carrying him on the metal gantry only had one thing in mind and he was right.
Up to that point the huge shark had been pushing the gantry along with Tush Pop around the harbour, like a sort of mini tour. Now stopped and Tush Pop screaming even louder, the gigantic shark tilted the steel gantry downward so that Tush Pop had no alternative but to slowly and inexorably inch toward the gaping jaws.
About six feet away now and the shark had seemingly had enough, with one huge flick of its giant head Tush Pop was catapulted into the massive jaws.. Letting go of the steel frame, the shark along with poor Tush Pop Daddy slowly disappeared under the water. Later, witnesses swore they could still hear Tush’s screams even when inside the sharks mouth.
Everyone aboard the Pimp My Ass just fell silent and then someone started to clap. Followed by a raucous round of applause, yep, everyone aboard was still convinced that that what they’d just seen was a Tush Pop Daddy party stunt special. Little did they know, as well as all the other residents of Lahaina, this was just the beginning of a Halloween nightmare no one would never ever forget!
*****
Front street promenade, Lahaina.
Captain Mallory was a very relieved man. Given the fact he could now see the harbour lights at Lahaina and of course all the thronging crowds along Front Street, he began to feel a little more relaxed and even though the US Coastguard shadowed them constantly, Mallory’s eyes had continuously been glued to the sonar screen.
Mayor Greenberg alas, wasn’t a happy man. One reason for that was he hated kids and another was he didn’t have sea legs and as a consequence felt like he wanted to barf and if that kid with the broomstick didn’t stop poking him than it would be “it” that Mayor Greenberg would puke on.
Fireworks were exploding everywhere now and as a result everyone’s gaze in the floating Keiko parade were “all” on the fireworks and the crowd thronged along front street.
Incredibly enough, probably because they were all so near to the harbour now, hardly anyone had noticed a huge dorsal fin suddenly break surface and rocket directly toward the Kid carrying Keiko raft!!
One did however and captain Mallory screamed. “SHARK!!” Aft port, call the fucking coastguard and tell em I’m heaving too.”
The crew immediately responded, apart from Talia Kunoka, who just froze and started to shake violently and Talia wasn’t sure if it was just fear or the cocaine.
A klaxon sounded on the Intrepid and instantly both Admiral and the skipper, Jameson sprang to attention. “Weapon detail.” Barked Jameson. “No firing unless on the Admiral’s specific orders is that clear? No offence sir, but you’re the senior officer on this one.”
“None taken.” Smiled Staniforth, he understood the Captain’s reluctance; he would have done exactly the same.
“Have we got a fix,” barked Staniforth?
“We have now.” Said Sonar. “Bearing 20º west, aft port side of the tug Admiral.”
Sweat was cascading down Staniforth’s fore head and he said. “We can’t fire it’s too near the raft.”
“Why’s it heading for the aft of the tug?” Said Jameson. Then looking both directly at each other both Admiral and the skipper understood and in unison cried “The tow chain!”
Up until this point, no one aboard the raft had any idea of the frenzied activity on both the Pride of Maui and the Intrepid, that was about to change.
*CRUNCH*
As soon as both divers had scrambled aboard, the military training took over, courtesy of the US Navy.
Johnny barked orders. “Laverne, start the fucking engine and set a course for Lahaina, Bob, main mast full sail, I’ll deal with the mizzen and anchor.”
As the terrified trio set about their frenzied duties, they never once stopped nervously glancing at the water immediately surrounding them.
Stood now on the prow of the Blue Orchid, Johnny Damon, flare pistol in one hand spear gun in the other, scanned the ocean in front of him.
As was Bob Teller on the stern, Laverne was on the bridge and doing a fine job of steering the Orchid home.
Slowly Bob Teller walked down the boat and toward Johnny on the bow, “seen anything?” Asked Bob?
“No, not a fucking thing,” replied Johnny. “I’ll tell you something though.” Continued Johnny. “We were fucking lucky back there and if it wasn’t for good old Laverne, we’d be shark shit right now.”
Bob grimmacingly agreed. “She’s a piece a work Johnny, a real calamity fuckin Jane.”
For the first time Johnny smiled, even though Johnny had known Laverne for over five years now, he had to admit in all that time there had never once been a dull fuckin moment.
A voice from the bridge shouted. “Port side you dozy fuckers.“
Both men rushed over to the port side of the Orchid. “Holy fucking Christ,“ shouted Johnny.
“Sweet Jesus,” whispered Bob.
There, swimming exactly parallel with the Blue Orchid, was the biggest shark either man had ever seen and even more terrifying was the fact it was only a few feet away from the side of the boat.
“Will you get a fuckin load a that,” said Bob Teller. “He’s a fuckin monster, in fact, what’s the Orchid’s beam Johnny?”
“50ft end to end,” replied an equally mesmerised Johnny Damon.
“Well.” Said Bob. “I’d say we have us a 50ft fuckin shark and by my reckoning that’s a gotta be a record.”
“Why’s it not doing anything?” Said Laverne, who after setting the autopilot had now joined both Bob and Johnny on the Port side.
Both guys shrugged their shoulders; it was as though the shark was waiting for something, but what?
“Get on the horn.” Said Bob. “We need to let the US coast guard know about this fucker, can you imagine the fuckin carnage that cocksucker would cause if let loose near the beaches?”
“Maybe it already has.” Said Laverne and she reminded them both about the Joe Trappatoni incident.
“Well there’s one good thing in all this.” Said Johnny. “At least there’s now no incriminating evidence left.” Both Laverne and Bob agreed, though never once taking their eyes off the 50ft long, sleek killing machine that was gently swimming along side, just as if it were a harmless Dolphin.
Then just as suddenly as it had appeared, the huge shark disappeared!!
“Where do you think it’s gone?” Asked a nervous Laverne, looking down at the deck as she did so?
Both Bob and Johnny patrolled the length and breast of the Orchid, however there still wasn’t any sign of Mr shark.
After alerting the coast guard, the Blue Orchid eventually managed to get back into Lahaina without any further excitement.
Then a grateful trio, after tying up and filling out a short report to the harbour master, leaving out of course a few certain details, at long last turned their attentions to the almost forgotten realisation that all three of them were now extremely very, very fucking rich!
*******
“What in the fuck!!” It was 4pm and the sun was about to say so long after yet another beautiful day in paradise.
Mayor Greenberg wasn’t impressed and you could tell, after receiving an urgent phone call from one of the Keiko committee he now saw for himself what all the fuss was about.
There, directly in front of the Mayor were about fifty or so locals dressed in some kind of traditional garb and they were all singing or chanting, the Mayor wasn’t sure which.
He turned around to an aid and said. “Will someone tell me what in the fuck is going on here and why these, these.”
And the Mayor pointed exasperatedly at the chanting locals. “Fuckin nut jobs are on my raft?”
It was then that one of the Mayor’s aids informed him of a certain section of the local community who believed and were convinced that the legend of KAUHUHU was true and the word had already gotten round of various sightings of the fearsome beast.
The mayor wasn‘t impressed, he was from Queens and the only legends he knew of were Michael Jordan and Joe Torre.
Finger now pointing at the aid, Mayor Greenberg said. “You tell them sorry assed sons a bitches to get the hell off my raft, that’s if they don’t wanna spend Halloween in a fuckin jail cell.”
At this stage Mayor Greenberg, according to the opinion polls was 99% sure of a fourth term in office and that secured, the smiling diplomatic posing with baby’s and animals had gone out the window and as such he could now pretty much say what the hell he liked and he did.
In the last two hours all Mayor Greenberg had heard, was rumours about that fuckin Fish. One was some local whore down in Kahului who had said she’d seen some guy inside a sharks mouth.
“Horse shit.” Spat Greenberg. She was probably one of the local crack heads. In fact and Greenberg had a quick chuckle, the crazy bitch probably had a conversation with the fuckin thing and then there was that fuckin oh so superior than thou Admiral at the coast guard, what the fuck was “he” on?
Indeed, Mayor Greenberg could understand “the natives” getting all worked up over some superstitious hocus pocus horseshit, but Geeez not a fuckin Admiral of the coast guard.
The Mayor prepared to get ready for the parade, which was going ahead regardless of all that crap about a fuckin fish.
And after the parade, he was going to a party where he would grab himself a hooker, snort some Columbian nose candy and then get fuckin laid.
Greenberg paused and looked at himself in a mirror then said to no one in particular. “Yes indeedy, it sure was fun being Mayor of Maui county.
*******
US coastguard cutter Intrepid, Puunoa, Maui.
“Admiral on the bridge.” After a round of salutes, Admiral Staniforth entered onto the bridge of the Intrepid.
The intrepid was officially a special guest of honour, unofficially she was baby sitting.
Rumours were now at fever pitch and the shark sightings were coming into the coastguard control headquarters in Honolulu every few minutes.
Captain Jameson turned to his boss and said “do you really think there’s any truth in these rumours sir?”
The Admiral replied. “I really don’t know Jameson; the locals seem to think so.”
As both Admiral and skipper of the Intrepid looked out of the bridge and onto the promenade at Puunoa, they weren’t quite sure whether the crowds assembled were there to watch a Halloween parade or spot a great white.
A dozen werewolves, a gaggle of broomstick carrying witches, followed by a posse of Dracula’s all passed Talia Kunoka along the walkway leading to the Keiko raft.
Once all one hundred or so kids were safely aboard, the skip would give the order and after casting off, they would then start the short journey down the coast to Lahaina and the Banyan tree Park.
Talia was feeling a little better now, the talk with Captain Mallory had helped, the six grams of recently purchased Cocaine helped even more. However Talia suddenly, after seeing a kid dressed as a shark and with the added help of the cocaine of course, regressed back to the paranoid state of mind he’d been in when involved in that near miss with death.
*******
Mallory Kanato checked everything was ready and then waited for his one hundred young guests.
Mallory wasn’t sure he why he felt like he did, he’d been waiting so long for something like this. And leading any parade for that matter was a fantastic honour and leading the Keiko parade and in his home island of Maui was just so very very special, especially to a natural born Hawaiian.
But something about the KAUHUHU rumour was bothering him and even though he hadn’t actually seen the shark, Mallory knew in his water that somewhere, out there, was trouble and if Captain Mallory Kanato didn’t know any better, he could sense a shit storm brewing and that wasn’t good, no sir that wasn’t good at all.
A loud hooter sounded, followed by a huge roar from the crowd and the 1st inaugural floating Keiko parade got underway and departed slowly south. Along with the Intrepid, the parade was shadowed by smaller vessels carrying Medics, Divers and the Mayors entourage. The Mayor himself was aboard the Keiko raft along with the kids.
Staniforth turned to the skipper of the Intrepid and said. “Guns primed?”
“Affirmative sir, both the 76mm cannon and the MK 38s, I only hope we don’t have to use em, Holy Christ I don’t.”
The Admiral concurred, however he had a feeling in his gut and it wasn’t telling him anything he already didn’t know.
******
Whilst all the frivolity was going on to the north of Lahaina, a fifty foot ketch slipped its moorings and headed out to a strategic position just outside of Lahaina Harbour.
Johnny Damon, Bob Teller and Laverne Blossom Levinski were in party mood and even though the near miss with Mr shark was still only a few hours ago, three evenly piled stacks of Gold Atocha coins tended to act as a potent form of amnesia, plus all three of them were getting hammered.
Glasses chinking together, all three newly paid up members of the Millionaires club made a toast. “Here’s to happy days, said Johnny. *clink.*
Here’s to not having to get up for work again.” Said Bob. *clink*
“And here’s to not giving any more fuckin blow jobs to lowlife mother. *clink*”
Laverne didn’t get chance to finish, the boys “knew” what she meant.
After dropping anchor the Blue Orchid along with quite a few other boats sat bobbing along on the quiet swell, the stars were out and there was a gentle breeze blowing.. Over in the distance, brightly coloured fireworks boomed out over the exceedingly picturesque Lahaina bay, indeed a great place to be at the right time of year, or was it?
250 ft to the starboard of the Blue Orchid a huge dorsal fin appeared and after completing one circuit around the 50ft ketch, suddenly turned and headed swiftly off in another direction, Lahaina Harbour!
*****
Lahaina Harbour.
A seventy foot motor cruiser pulsated with what can only be described as gangsta rap and the speaker systems on the PIMP MY ASS would indeed rival any night club anywhere in the world.
Because this particular yacht was the property of one of America’s biggest rap stars (Tush Pop Daddy) the tunes were loud, the girls beautiful and of course, there was the inevitable all you can snort buffet.
Tush Pop Daddy was a huge man, 6.5 and at least four hundred pounds and that wasn’t including the added weight of the gold chains that were freely adorned all over his huge frame.
The big rapper stepped out onto the deck to get some air, even for him the weed they were all smoking back there would put a rhino to sleep.
Lighting a massive spliff, Tush Pop gazed over at the scene in front of him and smiled. He’d done very well for himself had Tush, rehabilitation was a wonderful thing and that 6 stretch
in the Florida state pen had been pivotal to a change in direction for Tush. Especially after befriending a fag cell mate who just happened to be the son of a famous record producer, the rest was history.
Just then something caught the big mans eye, Tush couldn’t believe it, there it was again.
Spotting the huge dorsal fin, Tush excitedly made his way down to a metal gantry that was attached to the side of The Pimp My Ass. This contraption was used to dispatch dinghy’s or outboards when there wasn’t any harbour facilities.
“Hey looky here we got us a dolphin,” gleefully cried Tush and just as Tush clambered down onto the metal frame and was about to reach over to touch one of these amazing marine creatures, an enormous maw complete with teeth that you’d usually associate with a T Rex and with a horrible metallic clanging sound clamped onto the steel gantry.
Tush screamed. “You ain’t no motherfucking Dolphin!” Tush immediately endeavoured to ascend quickly back toward the deck. However, being as big and as cumbersome as he was, he just wasn’t fast enough and with a terrifying grinding screeching sound, the giant jaws ripped the entire frame away from The Pimp My Ass.
By this time other party goers had arrived on deck and now were all pointing at the incredible sight in front of them. “Fuck me.” Cried one of the crowd. “Its Tush Pop and he’s on a fuckin metal raft and there’s a giant motherfucking shark in there with him, fuck me that’s some jiving motherfucking party trick man.”
The guests aboard the Pimp my Ass really did believe that being ever the showman, Tush Pop had rigged some elaborate stunt up and was now performing said stunt.
However Tush Pop knew it wasn’t a stunt and he now knew that this motherfucker carrying him on the metal gantry only had one thing in mind and he was right.
Up to that point the huge shark had been pushing the gantry along with Tush Pop around the harbour, like a sort of mini tour. Now stopped and Tush Pop screaming even louder, the gigantic shark tilted the steel gantry downward so that Tush Pop had no alternative but to slowly and inexorably inch toward the gaping jaws.
About six feet away now and the shark had seemingly had enough, with one huge flick of its giant head Tush Pop was catapulted into the massive jaws.. Letting go of the steel frame, the shark along with poor Tush Pop Daddy slowly disappeared under the water. Later, witnesses swore they could still hear Tush’s screams even when inside the sharks mouth.
Everyone aboard the Pimp My Ass just fell silent and then someone started to clap. Followed by a raucous round of applause, yep, everyone aboard was still convinced that that what they’d just seen was a Tush Pop Daddy party stunt special. Little did they know, as well as all the other residents of Lahaina, this was just the beginning of a Halloween nightmare no one would never ever forget!
*****
Front street promenade, Lahaina.
Captain Mallory was a very relieved man. Given the fact he could now see the harbour lights at Lahaina and of course all the thronging crowds along Front Street, he began to feel a little more relaxed and even though the US Coastguard shadowed them constantly, Mallory’s eyes had continuously been glued to the sonar screen.
Mayor Greenberg alas, wasn’t a happy man. One reason for that was he hated kids and another was he didn’t have sea legs and as a consequence felt like he wanted to barf and if that kid with the broomstick didn’t stop poking him than it would be “it” that Mayor Greenberg would puke on.
Fireworks were exploding everywhere now and as a result everyone’s gaze in the floating Keiko parade were “all” on the fireworks and the crowd thronged along front street.
Incredibly enough, probably because they were all so near to the harbour now, hardly anyone had noticed a huge dorsal fin suddenly break surface and rocket directly toward the Kid carrying Keiko raft!!
One did however and captain Mallory screamed. “SHARK!!” Aft port, call the fucking coastguard and tell em I’m heaving too.”
The crew immediately responded, apart from Talia Kunoka, who just froze and started to shake violently and Talia wasn’t sure if it was just fear or the cocaine.
A klaxon sounded on the Intrepid and instantly both Admiral and the skipper, Jameson sprang to attention. “Weapon detail.” Barked Jameson. “No firing unless on the Admiral’s specific orders is that clear? No offence sir, but you’re the senior officer on this one.”
“None taken.” Smiled Staniforth, he understood the Captain’s reluctance; he would have done exactly the same.
“Have we got a fix,” barked Staniforth?
“We have now.” Said Sonar. “Bearing 20º west, aft port side of the tug Admiral.”
Sweat was cascading down Staniforth’s fore head and he said. “We can’t fire it’s too near the raft.”
“Why’s it heading for the aft of the tug?” Said Jameson. Then looking both directly at each other both Admiral and the skipper understood and in unison cried “The tow chain!”
Up until this point, no one aboard the raft had any idea of the frenzied activity on both the Pride of Maui and the Intrepid, that was about to change.
*CRUNCH*
A hundred kids screamed and the Keiko raft had somehow disengaged itself away from the tug that was towing it.
As soon as the raft jolted, Jano knew something was wrong and unlike the Mayor and his colleague Talia, Jano believed in the legend of KAUHUHU and grabbing a six foot harpoon gaff leapt what must have been over ten feet and onto the raft.
The huge beast had smashed into the tow chain and was now dragging the Keiko raft itself and heading much to the horror of everyone, away from the harbour and out to the open ocean.
All one hundred kids were screaming at top pitch, but no one was screaming louder than Mayor Greenberg.
He was fucking terrified and immediately planted himself smack bang in the middle of all one hundred kids. The Mayor’s reasoning was, that there were a hundred fuckin hor d oeuvres in front of him before that cocksucker got to his honour.
And hopefully by that time, the fuckin coastguard had managed to get their fingers out their asses and blow said cocksucker all the way to Hell.
“Full ahead.” Screamed Admiral Staniforth. “Give it everything you’ve got, we have to keep it in sight because there’s a hundred kids on that raft and if anything happens to em we’re fucking dead gentleman, of that I can assure you”.
*****
Among the crowds of revellers thronged along Front Street were Mr and Mrs Harrington Jr and when they’d safely seen both Kalia and Malia on-board the Keiko raft they’d both made the short trip down to Lahaina.
Obviously in the hope of welcoming both their beautiful daughters back onto dry land and the final procession to the Banyan tree park. So along with all the other sightseers didn’t really understand when the Keiko raft suddenly, as well as the other escorting vessels all veered off in the opposite direction.
Then suddenly Harrington Jr remembered the teeth marks. “Holy God.” He muttered. “Please no.”
*******
When Laverne looked up and saw a large raft sail past full of screaming kids she was convinced she was tripping.
Now screaming at the top of her voice it wasn’t long before both Johnny and Bob were alerted, as well as being notified over the emergency marine band radio.
“It’s that fucking shark.” Screamed Laverne “and it’s got the kids from the parade, you have to do something Johnny you can’t just sit here doing fuckin nothing.”
Johnny spread both his hands out in an exasperated manner and replying said. “What the fuck can we do Laverne and anyways the coast guard are here, as well as choppers.”
Johnny was right as soon as the fun started and the chase ensued, coast guard choppers were scrambled from Honolulu and were now circling over the Keiko raft.
As Johnny was starting to get pissed off with Laverne yammering on, Bob Teller spoke. “Hush you two look.” Bob pointed out over the Orchid’s port side and again said. “Look, it’s stopped.”
Sure enough, the Keiko raft had now come to a halt and even though the raft was about a quarter of a mile away from the Orchid, you could still hear the sobs and cries drifting out over the still bay.
Admiral Staniforth ordered everyone to stop and that included the choppers. He didn’t want to scare or provoke the beast into doing anything unnecessary. Well not just yet…
Staniforth’s plan was to sneak up along side, then hopefully effect a rescue operation that way.
The Keiko raft was gently bobbing up and down now and as well as the one hundred or so kids on board. There were, three parade marshals, big Jano from the MV Pride of Maui and of course his honour Mayor Greenberg and it was the Mayor who spoke first.
“Well,” what are those sons a bitches waitin for, don’t they realise we’re on a floatin fucking shark platter?”
The huge Hawaiian by the name of Jano swiftly strode over to were the Mayor was and bending over whispered. “Beggin your pardon your honour, but Mayor or no Mayor, you cuss like that in front of these kids again and I will personally knock your head off, is that understood?”
A huge mitt landed on the Mayor’s shoulder and Mayor Greenberg was now under no illusion that this mountain of a man meant what he said.
******
The radio crackled on the bridge of the Intrepid and a new voice spoke this time. “This is the sailing ketch Blue Orchid, we’ve seen what’s going on out there, can we be of any assistance?”
Just as captain Jameson was about to admonish the voice on the radio for using coastguard frequencies, Admiral Staniforth stopped him.
“Wait a minute, I know that voice.” And he swiftly gestured to take the mic.
“Johnny Damon you old dog is that you?”
The Admiral knew Johnny from his seal days, indeed Staniforth was both Johnny and Bob Teller’s commanding officer and knowing this man was on the scene made him suddenly feel a whole lot better.
Johnny had a plan, though simple it would be effective. They would cut the engine of the Orchid and then using traditional sailing skills, drift the Orchid up to the Keiko raft.
The reason why Admiral Staniforth agreed with the plan was.? The Intrepid would be too large and by the time launches had been dispatched it might all be too late, whereas the ketch was fairly low in the water and a lot smaller, but still having enough room to fit all the kids, though it would be a tight squeeze.
Jano saw what was going on and making sure along with the other three marshals, kept the kids as far away from the edge as possible. He then, holding the harpoon aloft, stalked round the raft periphery a bit like some medieval warrior guarding his charges.
A shout came from the Blue Orchid. It was Johnny and he asked if Jano could get to the tow chain? The idea being if Jano could disengage the tow chain, the shark wouldn’t be able to drag the raft away from the rescuers anymore and obviously then giving more time to make an extraction.
The Blue Orchid was only about 50ft away now as Jano slowly and cautiously on his hands and knees, inched himself over towards the tow chain.
*******
A sonar operator spoke again on the bridge of the Intrepid. “We’ve got some more company sir.”
Who the hell is it this time?” cried the admiral. Staniforth waved an arm, which signified, put it through on the speakers.
A foreign sounding voice boomed through and said. “Good evening American coastguardsan,’ this is Captain Hiro Nagasima of Japanese whaling ship Kagoshima we believe you have problem with big fish?”
Admiral Staniforth couldn’t help but smile, even with the seriousness of what was going on. It was just the way the skipper of that Japanese whaler and in a few words had quite literally summed the whole nightmare up.
The Admiral replied. “Negative Kagoshima we have the situation in hand, but thank you anyway for your most gracious offer.” The Kagoshima responded by informing the Intrepid that was no problem, but would be standing by just in case.
Over on the Kagoshima, Nagasima glanced at his second and gave the order to proceed anyway.
******
Every hair was now up on Jano’s back and even though he was a huge man, he had all the stealth and agility of a panther.
Unscrewing a large bolt, the chain slipped away under the surface and the Keiko raft was now free from being dragged around the bay by the fiend in the water that was terrorising them all.
Just as Jano turned around he saw it!!
Huge jaws had silently clamped onto the end of the Keiko raft and were now tipping the raft in a downward motion and Jano knew instantly what the shark was doing.
The screaming kicked off again as suddenly all the kids felt themselves sliding down the raft and toward the enormous gaping mouth.
“Holy fucking Christ.” Shouted Bob Teller. “I think we’re too late Johnny, as the Blue Orchid bumped gently into the Keiko raft.
Wearing that steely faced look Bob had seen so often on special ops, Johnny gritted his teeth and holding two loaded flare pistols, said. “It’s never too fuckin late my amigo” and leapt off the port side of the Orchid and onto the Keiko raft.
Mayor Greenberg began to grab onto the kids, although he wasn’t trying to save the terrified mites, he was passing them down in front of him and toward the waiting shark in an effort to save his own hide.
One of the marshals saw this heinous act and immediately planted a left hook square on the Mayor’s jaw.
Because the kids were now clambering all over Mayor Greenberg, it meant he was now pushed down and toward the waiting jaws.
The huge shark, like it did with Tush Pop in the harbour, jerked the raft so as a consequence anyone not holding on was shark food.
The Mayor was first and to make it worse for him he’d regained consciousness, however he didn’t scream for long, momentarily releasing it’s grip on the raft, the monstrous carnivore
swallowed the hapless politician whole!
The raft shuddered again and this time the massive jaws had clamped on with renewed vigour and surely on this occasion, nothing was going to deny Mr Shark his hard earned supper.
Just as it looked like the first of the one hundred were about to be devoured, there came a whooping sound, it was Jano.
Armed with the six-foot harpoon gaff and wearing a ferocious look on his face, the 6'6 three hundred pounder ran full pelt toward the shark he truly believed “was” KAUHUHU.
Leaping forward, Jano actually landed onto the lower jaw of the huge shark, raising the harpoon with one hand, dragging kids away from the murderous teeth with another, he screamed the words.
“In the name of his royal highness King Kamelo, I banish you back to where you came!!”
Now with both hands firmly on the gaff and with every ounce of strength Jano could muster, he thrust the lethal looking spike straight through the beast’s lower jaw.
Jerking swiftly back Jano lost his balance and tumbled down into the waiting jaws, both Jano and the shark then disappeared under the water.
There was a sort of stunned silence as the realisation of what had just happened to poor Jano kicked in.
Suddenly a flare pistol went off and Johnny Damon screamed. “Will everyone, please get onto the damned boat.“
All the terrified occupants of the Keiko raft suddenly as one descended onto the port side of the Blue Orchid.
Aided by Laverne and Bob Teller plus the three remaining marshals on the Keiko raft, in a matter of minutes all the kids were safely aboard the Blue Orchid, only one person now remained on the raft and that was Johnny Damon.
Just as Johnny had helped the last kid aboard his boat, there was a huge crashing sound and before Johnny had chance to climb aboard the Orchid a large gap suddenly appeared between the raft and the ketch. “Jesus.” Screamed Laverne. “Bob quick, Johnny’s still on the fuckin Raft and that fucker’s still alive.”
Johnny realised now that the gap between the raft and the ketch was too large and he also now realised “he” was in real danger. Johnny shouted over to the Blue Orchid.
“No fuckin way are we leavin him on that raft.” Screamed a tearful Laverne and as she said that she tried to leap over the side and onto the raft.
Quickly, Bob Teller along with one of the marshals managed to restrain the now quite frantic Laverne.
A voice came over a tanoy from the Intrepid and assured Johnny a chopper was on its way and as soon as it got there would lift him to safety.
The priority and however harsh this looked, was to get all those children back to dry land and safety and as result a desperate Bob Teller gave the order to start engines and head for Lahaina Harbour.
As soon as the engines started Laverne became almost unmanageable, kicking and screaming, it now took all three marshals to restrain the hysterical woman.
Tears cascading down her face, Laverne was now sobbing uncontrollably, she then spoke.
“My darling Johnny I love you, I always have, you Put’z, you can’t die, you just can’t, not like this, please God not Like this, no one deserves to fuckin die like this.”
Johnny totally agreed but he now stood alone, empty flare pistols in either hand and watched the Blue Orchid move ever further away from the raft.
Looking up into the sky he waited for the chopper that would hopefully uplift him off the raft and to safety, it was then he noticed movement.
A huge dorsal appeared again, starboard side, but this time it began to move away from the raft.
Johnny knew however the shark wasn’t going anywhere, it was preparing for the kill. The idea being it would create enough distance between it and the raft and then steam in with sufficient power to knock Johnny completely overboard; the rest would be a formality.
Johnny swiftly looked round, there wasn’t anything on the raft to defend himself with and Johnny Damon now knew, even with the distant thump thump thump of chopper blades, by the time they got here it would all be too late and as a result Johnny prepared to make his piece.
Arms folded Johnny watched in awe as a huge dorsal fin sliced through the water at an incredible rate and with a sickening thud, crashed into the Keiko raft.
Thrown headlong into the drink Johnny accepted and waited for the inevitable.
Every hair was now up on Jano’s back and even though he was a huge man, he had all the stealth and agility of a panther.
Unscrewing a large bolt, the chain slipped away under the surface and the Keiko raft was now free from being dragged around the bay by the fiend in the water that was terrorising them all.
Just as Jano turned around he saw it!!
Huge jaws had silently clamped onto the end of the Keiko raft and were now tipping the raft in a downward motion and Jano knew instantly what the shark was doing.
The screaming kicked off again as suddenly all the kids felt themselves sliding down the raft and toward the enormous gaping mouth.
“Holy fucking Christ.” Shouted Bob Teller. “I think we’re too late Johnny, as the Blue Orchid bumped gently into the Keiko raft.
Wearing that steely faced look Bob had seen so often on special ops, Johnny gritted his teeth and holding two loaded flare pistols, said. “It’s never too fuckin late my amigo” and leapt off the port side of the Orchid and onto the Keiko raft.
Mayor Greenberg began to grab onto the kids, although he wasn’t trying to save the terrified mites, he was passing them down in front of him and toward the waiting shark in an effort to save his own hide.
One of the marshals saw this heinous act and immediately planted a left hook square on the Mayor’s jaw.
Because the kids were now clambering all over Mayor Greenberg, it meant he was now pushed down and toward the waiting jaws.
The huge shark, like it did with Tush Pop in the harbour, jerked the raft so as a consequence anyone not holding on was shark food.
The Mayor was first and to make it worse for him he’d regained consciousness, however he didn’t scream for long, momentarily releasing it’s grip on the raft, the monstrous carnivore
swallowed the hapless politician whole!
The raft shuddered again and this time the massive jaws had clamped on with renewed vigour and surely on this occasion, nothing was going to deny Mr Shark his hard earned supper.
Just as it looked like the first of the one hundred were about to be devoured, there came a whooping sound, it was Jano.
Armed with the six-foot harpoon gaff and wearing a ferocious look on his face, the 6'6 three hundred pounder ran full pelt toward the shark he truly believed “was” KAUHUHU.
Leaping forward, Jano actually landed onto the lower jaw of the huge shark, raising the harpoon with one hand, dragging kids away from the murderous teeth with another, he screamed the words.
“In the name of his royal highness King Kamelo, I banish you back to where you came!!”
Now with both hands firmly on the gaff and with every ounce of strength Jano could muster, he thrust the lethal looking spike straight through the beast’s lower jaw.
Jerking swiftly back Jano lost his balance and tumbled down into the waiting jaws, both Jano and the shark then disappeared under the water.
There was a sort of stunned silence as the realisation of what had just happened to poor Jano kicked in.
Suddenly a flare pistol went off and Johnny Damon screamed. “Will everyone, please get onto the damned boat.“
All the terrified occupants of the Keiko raft suddenly as one descended onto the port side of the Blue Orchid.
Aided by Laverne and Bob Teller plus the three remaining marshals on the Keiko raft, in a matter of minutes all the kids were safely aboard the Blue Orchid, only one person now remained on the raft and that was Johnny Damon.
Just as Johnny had helped the last kid aboard his boat, there was a huge crashing sound and before Johnny had chance to climb aboard the Orchid a large gap suddenly appeared between the raft and the ketch. “Jesus.” Screamed Laverne. “Bob quick, Johnny’s still on the fuckin Raft and that fucker’s still alive.”
Johnny realised now that the gap between the raft and the ketch was too large and he also now realised “he” was in real danger. Johnny shouted over to the Blue Orchid.
“No fuckin way are we leavin him on that raft.” Screamed a tearful Laverne and as she said that she tried to leap over the side and onto the raft.
Quickly, Bob Teller along with one of the marshals managed to restrain the now quite frantic Laverne.
A voice came over a tanoy from the Intrepid and assured Johnny a chopper was on its way and as soon as it got there would lift him to safety.
The priority and however harsh this looked, was to get all those children back to dry land and safety and as result a desperate Bob Teller gave the order to start engines and head for Lahaina Harbour.
As soon as the engines started Laverne became almost unmanageable, kicking and screaming, it now took all three marshals to restrain the hysterical woman.
Tears cascading down her face, Laverne was now sobbing uncontrollably, she then spoke.
“My darling Johnny I love you, I always have, you Put’z, you can’t die, you just can’t, not like this, please God not Like this, no one deserves to fuckin die like this.”
Johnny totally agreed but he now stood alone, empty flare pistols in either hand and watched the Blue Orchid move ever further away from the raft.
Looking up into the sky he waited for the chopper that would hopefully uplift him off the raft and to safety, it was then he noticed movement.
A huge dorsal appeared again, starboard side, but this time it began to move away from the raft.
Johnny knew however the shark wasn’t going anywhere, it was preparing for the kill. The idea being it would create enough distance between it and the raft and then steam in with sufficient power to knock Johnny completely overboard; the rest would be a formality.
Johnny swiftly looked round, there wasn’t anything on the raft to defend himself with and Johnny Damon now knew, even with the distant thump thump thump of chopper blades, by the time they got here it would all be too late and as a result Johnny prepared to make his piece.
Arms folded Johnny watched in awe as a huge dorsal fin sliced through the water at an incredible rate and with a sickening thud, crashed into the Keiko raft.
Thrown headlong into the drink Johnny accepted and waited for the inevitable.
As Johnny splashed up to the surface, turning slightly to his left he saw the biggest set of jaws in his life and Johnny also reckoned it would be the last thing he ever saw too.
Completing one more circuit around Johnny, the huge shark, still with Jano’s harpoon lance protruding out of its lower jaw seemed to take it’s time, almost as if it was savouring the moment. Then suddenly and without warning, massive jaws yawning open, the huge beast homed in on Johnny.
Just as the huge shark launched its final attack on Johnny, although Johnny hadn’t heard it, there was the sound of a distant *BOOOOM*
Just a dozen or so feet away from Johnny now, the huge killer seemed to rise up out of the water in a sort of rearing action and then plunge down, jaws open wide toward a helpless Johnny Damon bobbing around in the water.
At the point where the shark reared up and out of the water, Johnny saw the most incredible thing.
*******
Seconds before inevitable death, Johnny witnessed the biggest harpoon he’d ever seen in his life and it was now sticking through the massive sharks head!
Johnny closed his eyes and silently prayed, the colossal jaws were now literally only inches away from him, but for some reason the shark hadn’t eaten him.
Slowly beginning to pluck up courage, Johnny began to realise what had actually happened.
The huge monster had been harpooned, but by what and who?
Completing one more circuit around Johnny, the huge shark, still with Jano’s harpoon lance protruding out of its lower jaw seemed to take it’s time, almost as if it was savouring the moment. Then suddenly and without warning, massive jaws yawning open, the huge beast homed in on Johnny.
Just as the huge shark launched its final attack on Johnny, although Johnny hadn’t heard it, there was the sound of a distant *BOOOOM*
Just a dozen or so feet away from Johnny now, the huge killer seemed to rise up out of the water in a sort of rearing action and then plunge down, jaws open wide toward a helpless Johnny Damon bobbing around in the water.
At the point where the shark reared up and out of the water, Johnny saw the most incredible thing.
*******
Seconds before inevitable death, Johnny witnessed the biggest harpoon he’d ever seen in his life and it was now sticking through the massive sharks head!
Johnny closed his eyes and silently prayed, the colossal jaws were now literally only inches away from him, but for some reason the shark hadn’t eaten him.
Slowly beginning to pluck up courage, Johnny began to realise what had actually happened.
The huge monster had been harpooned, but by what and who?
And as a consequence the shark was now being dragged away from Johnny in a terrible thrashing motion.
However, the huge beast was unable to break free of the 25ft harpoon that had skewered it through the head, it was indeed a miracle the beast was still alive.
Johnny heard a shout and looking up, spotted a leather harness being lowered down toward him.
******
US coastguard headquarters, Honolulu.
A very relieved Johnny Damon looked up as he saw his old friend and ex boss Admiral Staniforth enter the briefing room. Along side him was a small rather diminutive looking man, oriental, probably Japanese thought Johnny.
“No please don’t get up Johnny.
Well,” beamed Staniforth. “You’re quite the regular hero Damon?”
Johnny just smiled and said he was just grateful to be breathing God’s air is all.
“Yes indeed,” agreed Staniforth. “Well, please let me introduce you to the man that’s responsible for that very privilege.”
However, the huge beast was unable to break free of the 25ft harpoon that had skewered it through the head, it was indeed a miracle the beast was still alive.
Johnny heard a shout and looking up, spotted a leather harness being lowered down toward him.
******
US coastguard headquarters, Honolulu.
A very relieved Johnny Damon looked up as he saw his old friend and ex boss Admiral Staniforth enter the briefing room. Along side him was a small rather diminutive looking man, oriental, probably Japanese thought Johnny.
“No please don’t get up Johnny.
Well,” beamed Staniforth. “You’re quite the regular hero Damon?”
Johnny just smiled and said he was just grateful to be breathing God’s air is all.
“Yes indeed,” agreed Staniforth. “Well, please let me introduce you to the man that’s responsible for that very privilege.”
The small Japanese man stepped forward and curtly bowed.
“Captain Nagasima at your service koonikasan.”
Johnny politely bowed back and Staniforth proceeded to inform Johnny about how the Kagoshima had, against the Admiral’s orders it had to be said, crept all the time closer and closer toward the Keiko raft. And when the time was right, fired the 25 foot whaling harpoon, with pin point precision, straight through the sharks head.
Johnny was visibly impressed, that was some fuckin shooting, by anyone’s mark and he, as Staniforth had so rightly pointed out, well this little guy had indeed saved Johnny’s ass.
A few more polite questions followed and Staniforth also assured Johnny that he and his crew would get the American legion of honour for saving all those kids, shame about the Mayor and big Jano though remarked Staniforth.
Just as Staniforth and captain Nagasima were about to leave, Johnny asked what had happened to the shark?
Both Staniforth and Nagasima stared at each other and then the Admiral spoke.
“Strange you should say that Johnny and mark my words if it was anyone else I wouldn’t be saying a darned word, but, hell, you deserve to know.”
The Admiral carried on. “Officially, the shark was towed back to the Kagoshima and processed, just like any regular whale.
“Captain Nagasima at your service koonikasan.”
Johnny politely bowed back and Staniforth proceeded to inform Johnny about how the Kagoshima had, against the Admiral’s orders it had to be said, crept all the time closer and closer toward the Keiko raft. And when the time was right, fired the 25 foot whaling harpoon, with pin point precision, straight through the sharks head.
Johnny was visibly impressed, that was some fuckin shooting, by anyone’s mark and he, as Staniforth had so rightly pointed out, well this little guy had indeed saved Johnny’s ass.
A few more polite questions followed and Staniforth also assured Johnny that he and his crew would get the American legion of honour for saving all those kids, shame about the Mayor and big Jano though remarked Staniforth.
Just as Staniforth and captain Nagasima were about to leave, Johnny asked what had happened to the shark?
Both Staniforth and Nagasima stared at each other and then the Admiral spoke.
“Strange you should say that Johnny and mark my words if it was anyone else I wouldn’t be saying a darned word, but, hell, you deserve to know.”
The Admiral carried on. “Officially, the shark was towed back to the Kagoshima and processed, just like any regular whale.
Unofficially…
The line pulling the shark snapped and well, we simply don’t know where it is, even after intensive searches using coastguard and Navy vessels, there wasn’t any Goddamn sign of it and good riddance I say.”
At that, both men departed leaving a rather worried Johnny wondering if that monster had actually survived the harpoon, surely not?
Shortly after, all three pals met up again and Laverne in her own unique style leapt on Johnny the minute she saw him. And even though she used her tongue, Laverne still managed to tell a stunned Johnny that she loved him and if he ever went diving again she’d kick his God Damned balls off!
********
Ten miles off the coast of Molokai
A huge shape drifted motionless with a large harpoon protruding out of its head, as well as a long spike sticking out of its lower jaw.
Suddenly twitching, the huge beast proceeded slowly to head toward a large coral incline and amazingly then started to push itself against the rock!
THE END
At that, both men departed leaving a rather worried Johnny wondering if that monster had actually survived the harpoon, surely not?
Shortly after, all three pals met up again and Laverne in her own unique style leapt on Johnny the minute she saw him. And even though she used her tongue, Laverne still managed to tell a stunned Johnny that she loved him and if he ever went diving again she’d kick his God Damned balls off!
********
Ten miles off the coast of Molokai
A huge shape drifted motionless with a large harpoon protruding out of its head, as well as a long spike sticking out of its lower jaw.
Suddenly twitching, the huge beast proceeded slowly to head toward a large coral incline and amazingly then started to push itself against the rock!
THE END
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