JUST CALL ME DAVE

First off, please let me introduce myself. 

My name is Jean Shelmerdine and I’m the head nurse at a facility better known as the Evergreen Springs and yes you’ve guessed it, this facility is a retirement home for the elderly and infirm, with a title like that it couldn’t really be anything else. 

Well if it’s alright with you, I’ll get straight to the point of why I’m about to tell “you” something I’ve never, ever told anyone else and with good reason. 

You see if I had told anyone the truth, of what really happened at the time, I would surely be incarcerated in prison at best, a psychiatric institution at the very worst, so here goes.

It was 9.15am on a bright autumn morning, Monday 21st September 2005 when Mrs Tinkle yet again, for the umpteenth time tried, I might add, to perfect another wheelie..

Which really isn’t ideal when you’re a 91 year old just recovering from a heart attack brought on by a recent hip replacement.

The doctors weren’t sure whether the heart attack was caused by the fall down the care centre’s steep entrance steps, or the disappointment of not being able to perform said wheelie.

“Mrs Tinkle that’s enough, you know what happened the last time and we wouldn’t want another repeat accident would we now,” scolded one of the staff,

“Back off sister” Mrs Tinkle hissed, “it isn’t cool to interrupt me when I’m in the zone.”

“Oh dear,” sighed Norma Thomkins, another one of the resident staff, “she’s been watching the bloody Matrix again, how many times has she seen that now?”

“Not sure” said I, just arriving on the scene. 

I clapped my hands loudly together and shouted, “someone’s not getting apple crumble and custard for pudding today, can anyone guess who that might be?” 

One of the other nurses leaned over to take hold of Mrs tinkle’s wheelchair whilst arching an eyebrow assisted with a knowing smile. 

Mrs tinkle glared at the nurse and then myself, released both wheels on the chair and with a reluctant sigh, desisted from another such wheelie attempt.

Whilst passing by Mrs Tinkle then looked up and staring me right in the eye, muttered, “this ain’t over girlfriend,” I’m gonna do em whether you like it or not, you feeling me?”  

Smiling sweetly I just nodded and after the old dear had passed by I rolled my eyes stating rather loudly that from this moment onwards, “there was to be no more showings of that sodding movie, The Matrix.”

Walking toward my office I could hear a telephone ringing, on answering it a voice on the other end kindly informed me that a replacement nurse was on the way and that if deemed suitable would be able to commence employment immediately.

As soon as I’d replaced the phone there came a short but polite knock on my office door. “Come in” I answered.

A tall rather good-looking man entered my office, I say good looking, but in fact he was drop dead bleeding gorgeous and if the truth be known and I’m not afraid to admit it, I instantly decided there and then, even if he’d had the IQ of a jelly fish, “he” was going to work for me. 

“Please, take a seat,” I gestured toward the chair in front of my desk. 

As hard as it was I eventually managed to avert my eyes from his and onto the e-mail on my computer screen.

After swiftly shaking hands and experiencing static electricity that only comes from someone “who you know” is the one, I introduced myself. “You have rather an unusual name, erm, David Ellory Anthony Tibbs Hoskins,”

“Please,” interrupted the dishy man and he smiled a smile that would surely have to be regulated by the international atomic energy commission, “JUST CALL ME DAVE.”

Hindsight’s a wonderful thing but if I knew then what I know now I would have left that office, even while Dave was still sat there and got my coat, walked through the front door never to return.

But of course I didn’t and what proceeded to happen shortly after that mind-boggling introduction happened and that’s why I’m telling you this crazy story.

The moment David Ellory Anthony Tibbs Hoskins (Dave) commenced employment there was an immediate change of atmosphere at the Evergreen Springs. 

I couldn’t put my finger on it at first, but there was definitely a distinct change in the behavioural patterns of all the residents. 

The first of those strange occurrences was, on whilst performing the usual evening rounds, checking all our “guests” were comfortable, I heard music drifting down the main corridor. 

On heading nearer toward the slow melodic sound I suddenly recognised the tune. it was “Melancholy Serenade” by the great 1930s bandleader Tommy Dorsey. 

Peeking slowly through the part opened door I saw something or at least I think I did, I’m still not bloody sure, but I’ll tell you just the same.

Well, there, directly in front of me was one of the residents, Mrs Edith Blackshaw and she was dancing with someone and this someone was in some kind of uniform. 

I watched, almost guiltily as if I was some kind of prying voyeur at the slow intimate clinch in front of me, slowly and methodically waltzing to the strains of Tommy Dorsey. 

I also noticed Edith was weeping freely; I waited until the record had finished and then prepared to enter Edith’s room, gently reminding her about the rules pertaining to guests after hours.

Just as I was about to enter the room I heard a noise, quickly glancing around I then realised there was nothing there, so I again turned my attention to Edith and her strange dance partner.  

Politely knocking I then entered, to my utter disbelief there was no stranger, only Edith, now seated, but still with tears streaming down her face.

At first it was as though Edith hadn’t noticed my presence, because she glanced to her right and whilst still sobbing she said the words “thank you.”

“Whatever for” I replied,

“No not you, him!” 

I suddenly realised “there was” another person in the room and straining my eyes, the lights were on real low, there sat in the corner of the room and wearing that same killer knockout smile, “was Dave.”

I glanced again at Edith and said, almost incredulously, “what’s going on here?” 

A sound came from the other side of the room and Dave on standing up, slowly strode over towards Edith and myself. 

Again Edith looked directly at Dave and said the same words over and over again, “thank you thank you thank you.”

“For what?”  I asked, it was Dave’s turn to speak this time. “Edith here” and he beamed that million watt smile again, “informed me that today was her 70th wedding anniversary and that her and her dear departed husband’s favourite tune of all time was this one and Dave pointed toward the still spinning vinyl 78 inside an old antique gramophone. 

Dave carried on. “On hearing this I suddenly remembered, with having a substantial record collection, I actually might have this very record and hey presto, whadaya know.” 

I just stood there staring, not at Dave, or Edith, it was at a photograph on the mantelpiece and the faded picture inside that old frame was of a handsome young man in what looked like an RAF uniform. 

I looked at Edith and whispered, “is that your,”

“My husband,” interrupted Edith, “why yes and it was taken just before he died, seventy years ago.” 

I could hardly move, but somehow found the nerve to politely bid goodnight and it was all I could do, to not leg it out of there as fast as I could and yes you’ve guessed it, the man I just saw dancing with Edith and as large as life, was her late Husband!              

                             

 Even though I knew, really knew I’d seen Edith dancing with someone that had been dead for over seventy years, all the logical elements in my brain refused to believe it and again we arrive at that wonderful word “hindsight.”

Because like the interview at the very beginning, that should have been the prompt to saddle up and get the hell outa dodge.

Dave had only been employed a week and already had all the residents eating out of his hand.

Nothing was too much trouble for Dave and anything the residents asked for, he’d damn sure try his best to accommodate them.They really had all taken to him, that is all except for one.

I heard the shouting from my office, even with the door closed and immediately knew who it was doing the shouting. 

On opening the door, there was Mrs Edna Tinkle red in the face, one hand holding the right wheel of her wheelchair, the other clutching a large walking stick, of which she was now brandishing extremely vociferously in the direction of Dave.

“Mrs Tinkle, may I ask what all the commotion is about?” I said, knowing full well the answer would probably be because she hadn’t been allowed to perform any wheelies or other such outrageous, dangerous even, practices.

****

Let me just tell you a little bit about Mrs Edna “twinkle toes” Tinkle, so called because before becoming wheelchair bound and of course entering the twilight of her life, Edna had been a prominent member of the Paxton theatre Dance troupe.

She’d even been a regular extra for such acclaimed movies like Singing in the rain and Westside Story among others, so as you can see, Edna as well as being a character in her own right, was actually something of a celebrity at the Evergreen Springs. 

If you think Edna’s dancing career was remarkable, that was nothing when you consider Edna had been born with autism as well as encountering a mild form of cerebral palsy, immediately finishing poor Edna’s dancing days and rendering her wheelchair bound until the day she would die. 

You’d think that would finish most folks off, but not our Edna. She had a passion for life, even at 91 and after watching her favourite movie “THE MATRIX,” you would usually find Edna performing various stunts from the movie, particularly the motor cycle scene, hence the wheelies.

****

“Get “him” the hell away from “me,” cried an obviously distressed Edna Tinkle, 

Dave just stood to one side and even with the bazillion candle watt smile, he didn’t seem to have cut it the same with Edna like he had with all the other 49 residents.

“Mrs Tinkle, really, is that any way to treat a new member of staff?” I said, even though a few doubts had been cast about Dave, regarding some of the weird stuff and his seemingly annoying ease at which he had endeared himself to all the residents and so quickly.

However, one had to give one the benefit of a doubt, with that in mind I again took Edna Tinkle to task over why she was treating Dave the way she was.

Edna had locked eyes on Dave and to be quite honest, even tough Edna could and had, been a royal pain in the ass, I had never seen her in such an agitated state of mind. 

I glanced at Dave and in a knowing nod of the head and still radiating the lantern smile, he respectfully and shall we say diplomatically, headed off to another possibly more receptive and accommodating resident.

Staring at Edna, who incidentally was still warily eying the disappearing Dave I said, “would you mind telling me what that was all about Edna?”

Edna stared out toward where Dave was stood a moment before and then slowly began to chant what sounded like the lyrics of a song.

             

 *****

 

 “Watching the hour from the light in his eyes,

He waits for your soul to come in from the sky,

But it’s lost below lost below.

Turning the wheel of your destiny round,

When the motion stops no more sound,

Dose anybody care any body care.

 

Who can tell you what to do

When Mr time has come for you.

See the truth hear the lies

There can be no compromise.

And who can tell you what they knew,

When Mr time has come for you.”

*****

 

By the time Edna had finished that creepy and somewhat bizarre chant, she was staring up at me and another pivotal moment came to pass that sunny Tuesday morning, Edna cried.

I never thought I’d see the day, hard as nails was Edna, but there she was, right in front of me sobbing like a small child.

I immediately reached down to comfort Edna, however Edna had already returned to her stoic self. 

Brushing me away she looked at me right in the eye and said, “You’ve no idea have you?”

I returned the look with an equally quizzical expression, “about what?” I asked.

“You know?” replied Edna and nodded in the general direction of where Dave was moments ago. 

“No, I don’t think I do”, said I. “should I” said I again? Edna was smiling again now and even though her makeup was a little smudged she seemed to be ok. 

“Can I go now?” Requested Edna

“Yes of course and I dutifully stepped aside as Edna trundled past. She got to within about six feet away when Edna slowly turned and still smiling said something which sounded just as weird as the lyrics she’d been chanting.

“Does everyone else 'like' Dave?”

“Well yes, I guess,” I replied. Edna smiled again and this time she said something that just did not make one iota of sense at all, well then it didn’t.

“Does Dave own a watch?” Again with rather a puzzled expression on my face I said I wasn’t sure and that up to now I hadn’t seen Dave with a watch. 

This time Edna began to laugh softly, which started to creep me out a little, “Oh you will, Miss Shelmerdine, oh you will and when you do."

Edna suddenly stopped, preformed an expert 180° turn and swiftly wheeled away, all the time chanting that strange rhyme.

Swiftly looking at the clock on my office wall I uttered the words “sod it.” After locating a hidden key I proceeded to extract a bottle of 12 year old malt out of the bottom draw in the filing cabinet, as I poured myself a rather generous measure I noticed I was shaking like a leaf and slowly but surely, though I didn’t want to admit it, I was scared to bloody death.          

           

 

 

 

Three days later it happened. 

Just like that and god forgive me for not realising then what was about to transpire, but you know what?  I honestly think there’s nothing no one could have done to prevent it and when I tell you why, you’ll see exactly what I mean.

It was a Friday morning only this one wasn’t sunny like the rest of them had been, it was kind of gloomy almost foreboding.

Again with hindsight that would have been very appropriate given what was about to happen. 

I looked around at all five of my staff, it was the usual pep talk before the day started in earnest and I just wanted to confirm that everything was on track for the big birthday party.

Marie Smith was celebrating her 90th and though she didn’t want any fuss, “Dave” said it was no trouble at all and he himself had taken personal responsibility for organizing said bash, good old Dave.

“So everything’s set then,” I said, everyone said yes apart from Dave who just nodded and smiled even more intensely this time, as if that was possible.

The party started at around 2pm with Dave doing the disco.

First record on was another Tommy Dorsey hit and yes you’ve guessed it, “MARIE.” “

So considerate,” murmured one of the staff, “so dishy,” said another. Everyone was in love with Dave, staff as well as the residents. 

Even the male contingent of our happy flock, though grudgingly, really did like Dave, albeit in a manly way.

After all the cakes and sandwiches had been eaten, homemade lemonade quaffed, along with the odd sherry, tables were drawn back and chairs stacked, it was dance time. 

Again Dave played the resident DJ and if I didn’t know any better I could have sworn the smile on Dave’s face was intensifying.

Whilst all this was going on, there was one noticeable absentee.

Yes, it was of course, Mrs Edna Tinkle that was until now! 

The doors to the main dinning room door suddenly crashed open and there, seated in her wheelchair was the most amazing sight I had ever seen!

Edna Tinkle had somehow managed to kit herself out with what can only be described as a makeshift suit of armour.

Adorning her legs were some kind of old cricket pads, attached to her torso and bound with what looked like duct tape was an old metal dustbin lid, heaven only knows were she’d acquired that. 

Edna Tinkle’s arms were clad in some kind of leather hawking gauntlets which incidentally one of them was brandishing the ubiquitous walking stick. 

Finally, propped rather precariously and lopsided fashion upon Edna’s head was an old metal colander.

Believe me, this really was a sight and the look on everyone’s faces was simply unforgettable. 

Just as I and the other staff were about to intervene, Edna shouted out as loud as she could.

“Please forgive me Marie, I’m really sorry to have crashed your birthday party but I think it’s time you all knew why “HE’S” here.” 

Edna was now glaring directly at Dave. 

For the first time since his sudden appearance at the Evergreen Springs, David Ellory Anthony Tibbs Hoskins wasn’t smiling and everyone noticed that fact immediately!

“Well,” do you wanna to tell em or shall I?

By the way Jean.” Edna was looking at the “me” now and gesturing toward the rest of my staff, said, “it really would be in your best interests to get the hell away from here and as quickly as possible, that’s if you want to see tomorrow.”

I quickly advanced towards Edna, as much in the hope of calming her more than anything else, as well as getting to the bottom of this ridiculous charade.

The walking stick was suddenly raised and in an unusually steely voice Edna uttered the words, “don’t make me use this Miss.”  

Another voice spoke up and this time it was Dave.

“Please Miss Shelmerdine, I’ll take it from here,”

“I beg your pardon,” said I, rather indignantly. 

Dave carried on walking towards Edna and myself. He smiled again, though this time it wasn’t a normal smile, it was one of purpose and need it was a smile that said everything was just going swimmingly and nothing was going to stop whatever was going to happen.

“That’s far enough you.” Edna pointed the walking stick at Dave in a rather an aggressive manner, while all this time all the other 49 residents watched on in a hushed silence. 

Dave looked at me with those amazing come to bed eyes and said, no/ ordered, even, that I should really take Edna’s advice and leave along with the rest of my staff.

I don’t know why but something deep down told me something terrible was about to happen and the first and foremost priority was the safety and welfare of my staff along with the residents of course. 

None of the four nursing staff complied at first, that was until Dave stared at each and every one of them, they immediately left the room and unbeknownst to myself at that time had completely departed the building as well.

“Well, we’re waiting,” muttered Edna.

Dave stared again directly into my eyes and suddenly I felt very cold. A voice inside my head whispered, “this is your last chance, you cannot see what is about to happen here, go, go now, before it is too late.” 

I shook myself and staring directly back at Dave I said, “No can do, I can’t leave until I know what’s going on here.”

Dave smiled again, though this time it was a little gentler, almost apologetic, he began to speak.

“You really don’t know who I am do you Jean?”

I looked puzzled and replied that he was called David Ellory Anthony Tibbs Hoskins, as soon as I’d said that name again, Dave slowly reached out and gently caressed my left cheek. The touch sent shivers down my spine. 

“I have many names young Miss Jean Shelmerdine, in fact throughout the countless millennia of time and space and touching billions of souls, man has given many names and descriptions for the likes of me.”

It suddenly dawned on me who Dave really was and I began to cry with total and utter disbelief, laced with abject fear.

Dave spoke yet again,.“Don’t be afraid, Jean, I am not here for you, not yet, my business is with your guests.” At that point Dave swung round to cast his malevolent gaze toward all 50 of the current Evergreen Springs residents. 

No one moved no one spoke; it was as if all those gathered 'knew' that this day would inevitably come.

“So now you know,” cried Edna and throwing the walking stick down on to the dining room floor she looked up toward Dave and then said, “well, what are you waiting for, lets get it over with, I’m tired of living anyway.”

Dave slowly moved toward a now very still and compliant Edna. Equally slowly, he reached into a trouser pocket. There in his hand was a large gold pocket watch.

I just stared in utter disbelief as Dave, or whoever the hell he/it really was, gently touched Edna on her forehead. Immediately that happened, a sort of mist or vapour seemed to erupt out of poor Edna’s mouth! The vapour hesitated for a second and I could have sworn it spoke, then it seemed to disappear inside the gold watch.

Edna was now slumped lifeless in her wheelchair and Dave deftly went about his macabre business around the dining room, collecting vapour from all the other unresisting 49 residents of the Evergreen Springs retirement home.  

                                       

 

 I carried on witnessing something probably no human being was ever meant to see and as well being terrified, I felt sort of awed at the way a thing older than time itself went about it’s grisly work.

As soon as Dave had finished harvesting all 50 souls I asked him a question.

Upon seeing Edith Blackshaw dancing that night, was that really her late departed husband or was I hallucinating? 

Dave smiled and then said, “no, you weren’t hallucinating Jean, that really was Edith’s late husband, I would say in the flesh but that wouldn’t be strictly true.”

“How,” I asked. 

Dave smiled yet again and dangling what must have been the most beautiful gold watch in the world in front of me he said, “not only can I take souls, I can summon them back, if and when it pleases me, you could say it’s one of the tricks of the trade.”

Suddenly Dave stopped smiling and in a rather earnest manner cocked his head to one side as if he was listening out for something. 

“Well,” said Dave, “it seems I have to be somewhere else” and with that he again, much to my horror, I had already seen how he’d reaped all the others, gently caressed my cheek and a whispering voice inside my head said, “sleep, young Miss Shelmerdine, sleep and until we meet again.” 

When I regained consciousness, Dave had gone and it suddenly dawned on me that I was in a dinning room inside a retirement home with fifty very dead pensioners in front of me.

What would “you” do if “you” were in that situation? 

Well I’ll tell you what I did, I bleeding ran, didn’t look back, didn’t even grab my coat I ran as fast as the legs God gave me could run and didn’t stop running until I got to the travel agents.

Five hours later I was airborne and heading for the first country I could think of that didn’t have an extradition agreement with the UK.

Why run, you say? Why not go to the authorities and explain exactly what happened? 

Yes, exactly, that’s the point earlier in the story where I mention the very real possibility of incarceration, probably in my case a high security nut house. You see who in their right mind would believe a story like that?

Whether anyone reading this story believes me or not and quite frankly I don’t give a toss, when you’ve seen or been through what I’ve just witnessed, you’re really past caring.

Fortunately I’m not married and haven’t got any kids, so at least I didn’t have anything to worry about there. However as I write this letter/ diary/story whatever you want to call it, I still feel all of this was “my” fault.

Maybe if I could have spotted something earlier on and even believed what Mrs Edna Tinkle, God bless her soul, was actually trying to tell me, then you know, I might just have been able to prevent what was going to happen.

I’m going to close off this tale now dear reader and like I said, whether you believe me or not is up to you, but as I sit in my hotel room in Puerto Plata one thing I can guarantee you is this.

You will never see or hear from me again, because I can’t cope with the burden of knowing that I might, just might, have been able to prevent the deaths of 50 people who were in my care.

Goodbye!

 

 

Jean Shelmerdine

*****

 

THE CONCLUSION

 

 

 Jean Shelmerdine walked out of the hotel Playa Dorada with nothing but only the clothes on her back. 

After a few short minutes Jean arrived at the beach and facing her were the warm waters of the Caribbean Sea. 

After a brief moments hesitation, Jean, still clothed walked steadfastly toward the gently lapping waves.

There were a few holidaymakers around, but no one seemed to be interested in the lone pale skinned female heading directly into the sea.

As jean carried on walking she saw him!!

He seemed to just rise up out of the water like some ghostly spectre. I suppose a little bit like the lady of the lake in King Arthur’s knights of the round table.

Dave floated toward Jean and with that same blazing smile nodded; Jean returned the nod in a sort of acceptance and waited.

Similar to when in the retirement home, Dave gently reached out toward Jean’s forehead, with the watch already open and in one last gasp, Jean Shelmerdine’s soul left her body and entered the timeless void of the gold pocket watch.

All over the news that week was of course one thing. Emblazoned in the tabloids screamed the headlines.

“MISS DEATH STRIKES IN THE EVERGREEN SPRINGS RETIREMENT HOME” and “WAS THIS MASS EUTHANASIA OR “MURDER?” The headlines intensified even further when news of Jean’s death broke from the Dominican Republic.

“MISTRESS OF DEATH TAKES HER OWN LIFE” “CARRIBEAN DOOM QUEEN ENDS IT.” 

Of course even after intensive investigations no one ever really got to the bottom of how all the occupants “really” died and whether Jean Shelmerdine took the blame or not is entirely irrelevant because when it is time to go it’s time to go and no one knows that more I.

For I am the one they call The keeper of time. The taker of souls. The grim Reaper. The Angel of Death, indeed there are many titles and not “IF,” but “WHEN,” we meet and believe you me “WE WILL” and I hold my hand out to greet you whilst the other one is opening my watch. Please don’t be afraid and yes of course you can, “JUST CALL ME DAVE.”  

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE END